In Conversation with Melissa Orlov: The ADHD Effect on Marriage - Unlocking ADHD

Comments · 102

• FR

  @Fragmented_Reflections · 1 year ago

  You have no idea how validating and hopeful this video made me. Just bought her book and bookmarked her website. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for an arrow in the right direction as I navigate this as an adult.

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• SJ

  @SJL07 · 2 years ago

  I was just diagnosed with ADHD. Years ago my husband was diagnosed OCD/OCPD. 30+ years in and I’m so tired of the struggle of trying to understand each other and make it work 😢

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• CR

  @CryStifled · 3 years ago

  My husband has ADHD and I’m autistic. It is so hard to make the relationship work. He neglects every aspect of our relationship and environment (house, pets, family, etc) but never misses his appointments to play D&amp;D. <br>It took me 3 years to realise and verbalise that this is happening, and I’m already worn out. I have so many struggles on my own and since we got married he’s just adding more stress in my life to the point I’m not performing good at work anymore. I wish so bad I could rely on my husband. My life has been so difficult all the time, he has a very privileged background but not me. I had to really pull my way through life with poverty and no family. I don’t have a support system, his family couldn’t care less if this is working or not, if I’m drowning or not. <br>He doesn’t do anything to make this better. I still care about him but I care about myself more. I think the next step for us is divorce.

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• JJ

  @jjohnston5406 · 4 years ago

  One of the big issues that I had in a previous relationship was that neither of us were very structured. We both had symptoms of ADHD, but we had very different needs and priorities. <br>I need a structured environment in order to be able to function. For example, I have had to learn to put everything in exactly the same place every time, else I not only lose my things, but I also &nbsp;wander around trying to remember what it was that I was going to do in the first place.<br>He thought such things were completely unnecessary, and would put things wherever they happened to land.<br>He was highly focused on saving money, but couldn&apos;t seem to understand that in order to do that, I need achievable goals and the ability to treat ourselves when we do well. Otherwise it starts to feel like endless enslavement.

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• CH

  @cherylhuestis1674 · 3 years ago

  Thank you so much for Real life adhd information!!!<br>Non ADHD Wife <br>I feel compassion and understanding after watching.

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• RA

  @rach_t85 · 3 years ago (edited)

  This summarises my life and failed marriage. The parent/child dynamic. Verbal abuse. Loss of confidence.Not wanting to be around that person anymore.I am so glad I found it now so I can avoid making similar mistakes in my future relationship and I can heal, grow and improve.Thanks so much

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• SH

  @shelleycharlesworth5177 · 2 years ago

  This video is great I will listen to the whole thing-I stopped listening at 24 min where the parent child<br>dynamics starts being talked about. I DO feel like I am dealing with a child most of the time.<br><br>My partner pays TOO MUCH attention to me! He “summons” me to help him when I am busy with household tasks.<br>Repeatedly. I often feel suffocated ! He wants to tell me things in long winded monologues when I am trying<br>To get ready to leave the house or I am occupied elsewhere.<br><br>He is a champion procrastinator !! If I say anything to my partner about completing tasks then he says I am a NAG! I left the house a few days ago to run errands-I was gone for 3 hours. Before I left I asked him to do ONE thing. I even said &quot;I will be so happy when I return if you have done this&quot;. Did he do it? NO. I returned and he was writing an email to his sister. When I asked him did he do what I asked he said &quot;no but I am going to&quot;. I said &quot; WHEN? I was gone 3 hours!&quot; He then went on to say he HAD to write the email to his sister. Nonsense. Doesn&apos;t take 3 hours to write an email. He is a grown man and I can not force him to stop procrastinating! Or do anything else!<br>Yes he is &quot;reliably UNreliable&quot;. I do all the shopping, cooking and cleaning up. I feel like I am his mother.<br> these things are affecting my comfort level and mental health… &nbsp;I used to think it&apos;s immaturity and selfishness vs cooperation….now I am<br>seeing it differently.<br><br>But isn’t complaining &nbsp;a form of control and a manipulation tactic? My partner is a relentless complainer.<br><br>I think my 63 yr old partner has ADHD and if ONE thing goes wrong then everything is AWFUL. This is so exhausting. He is an expert at noticing what is WRONG. <br>One wrong event will set off a tirade of complaints of things that happened years ago!<br>He is always a victim....this is how he sees himself and it sucks for me to see him like this. Ugh.<br> So one you tube video I watched said I have to &quot;allow&quot; him to &quot;just be”..and not react. Ok but he goes on and on and on and ON...I have left the house many times just to get AWAY from him and get some peace..and this helps me calm down but if it&apos;s dark outside then I will NOT leave and so I have to endure this negativity which is depressing and horrible for ME I&apos;m getting worn out .....agh……..<br><br><br>My partner misses deadlines…hard to complete things in a timely manner..poor organization….protrastination………….<br>Easily distracted ..I feel like I have a child sometimes……<br>The other main issue I have is he sometimes gets upset when I cut him off in main conversations when he keeps going and going on a topic. <br><br>Last night he was supposed to join a zoom mtg at 6:00 pm. I assumed he was going to be ok and be able to do this. I was busy in<br>The kitchen..at 2 minutes before 6pm he summons me and is frantic as he can’t seem to log in to his meeting. I try to help but<br>I’m not tech savvy and hen he gets upset and starts swearing! I want to scream and say “ if you had started to log into<br>Zoom 15 or 20 minutes ago we could have avoided all this drama and frustration!” But if I had said that he would have overreacted and gotten<br>Angry! He relies on me to”save” him in these situations. He finally was able to join the zoom meeting 25 minutes late. I was exasperated.<br><br>One person commented &quot;This summarises my life and failed marriage. The parent/child dynamic. Verbal abuse. Loss of confidence.Not wanting to be around that person anymore.”<br>That is how I am feeling now!!!! I don’t enjoy being around my partner most of the time!!!<br><br>Do you have to see a psychiatrist to get Rx for ADHD? Do most family practice doctors understand ADHD? He says he is willing to<br>Be evaluated for ADHD.

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• LA

  @LATherapy · 3 years ago

  Melissa Orlov is just stellar. Have recommended so many clients to watch all her material. Just wonderful information!

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• AS

  @astb01 · 2 months ago (edited)

  I think the real issue that isn’t being addressed or maybe it has is if the non adhd partner has to be a parent in the relationship and you also may have children on the spectrum. It becomes too much to be a responsible parent and partner at the same time when you hope rather than expect your spouse to be active, show some form of attention rather than become very self focused and assume the non ADHD partner will take the load of the work at home and kids? <br><br>There is a lot of chat here of how the non adhd person needs to show compassion and accept things but there isn’t much of how the adhd person needs to understand what pressure or demands they are putting on others if they aren’t being accountable?<br><br>If you agree to be “equal” and then the adhd partner repeatedly doesn’t stick to it and then gets angry/frustrated are we meant to ignore and carry on? As this seems like the only way because the adhd person will never accept they are wrong, they won’t change so again it falls onto the non ADHD partner

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• ED

  @EdilySi · 2 years ago

  My marriage is exhausting and I feel so hopeless. Too broke for a divorce and we have 6 young children I don&apos;t know how I&apos;d provide for. Just venting. Guess i need tips on how to be happy in a relationship where communication is impossible and leaving is not a viable option.

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• RD

  @RDuke-g3o · 2 years ago

  ABSOLUTE AMAZING!!!!! &nbsp;Thank you!!!

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• OB

  @Obiwan-ik2tw · 2 years ago

  This video was very helpful. I watched many but it was not that applicable to my case. Since my spouse has ADD so it was helpfu to understand it. Thank you so much!

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