ADHD and sex | Sorry, I Missed This

Comments · 60

• JE

  @jennamarie2481 · 2 years ago

  Okay but, when I tell my partner that I'd like to be "X" way, that just sets them up for disappointment bc I've never been able to change anything in my life, just build different coping mechanisms. Then it's this constant cycle of me disappointing them.....

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• PY

  @Pyrochik2 · 1 year ago

  My frustrations in this book and another I read on ADHD relationships is they do not address couples who both have ADHD.  My husband and I both have ADHD.  That means there are strategies that do not help us.

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• KR

  @krism6260 · 10 months ago (edited)

  I&apos;m so surprised this topic isnt mostly about emotion regulation during sex!! 😮😮<br>Surely i&apos;m not the only one getting overwhelmed...

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• LO

  @loriallen67 · 2 years ago

  Thank you for giving me the vocabulary I needed. Intimacy is not the same as sex. This is what I’ve been trying to grasp. I couldn’t put it in words. Thank you.

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• MI

  @misharumkittum · 1 month ago

  As the neurotypical in the relationship, I did really appreciate that the advice and anecdotes in this video talked about behaviors, understandings, and efforts that both the ADHD and neurotypical partners in the relationship can work on. This actually felt like a resource for both types of people in a relationship, whereas so many other videos about navigating a relationship where one partner has ADHD and the other is neurotypical really come across as just assuming the neurotypical partner has not already been trying to understand and accommodate for their partner. It was nice to feel seen as an equal partner in navigating our situation, instead of blamed for somehow still not doing enough to accommodate my partner.

• CA

  @cattjenn · 1 year ago

  for me, the issue I&apos;m having lately is that &quot;it&apos;s a task&quot; means it&apos;s on my list of things I&apos;m procrastinating on. I have to shower, smell good, BE in the mood (magically somehow). My husband never wants to pressure me so we are stuck in this loop of he just waits. .. and waits. And I force myself to initiate because I know it&apos;s right--I love him and I don&apos;t want him to feel rejected constantly for weeks--I always DO enjoy it once we are into it. Like, I also enjoy the high I feel when I finally turn in a paper I could have had 3 weeks to work on, but wrote it in 3 hours-finishing on the last second. It&apos;s a task. how did my mind get stuck here?

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• JA

  @jane63 · 4 days ago

  The interesting thing I am finding is that ADHDers often tend to think that their experiences and habits are unique to them because of their ADHD and not understanding there are just some things that everyone experiences and you are not unique in this..

• BR

  @brie.1973 · 1 year ago

  What about when you BOTH have ADHD????

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• RI

  @richardrichardson7763 · 1 month ago

  Thank you for this video. I feel it is very helpful.

• MI

  @milesbailey4173 · 1 year ago (edited)

  as someone with ADHD intimacy can be an interesting thing. When me and my boyfriend have sex i&apos;m usually ALWAYS the one to break up the flow of it. I&apos;ll crack a joke, hold a conversation that is so far away from having sex lol. Sex absolutely feels like a task for me I have to find ways to break the flow. Typical neurodivergent having to buck the regular structure of things lol. Thankfully my partner is used to my unpredictability haha. I will say though, intimacy through sex for me and my partner has been beneficial because theres no pressure, and its an experience that we&apos;re sharing together. That makes it feel much safer and secure, allowing for true intimacy, vulnerability.

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• KE

  @KellyLCall · 6 months ago

  This is such an important conversation, but the deepest layer is still upstream. <br>ADHD doesn’t just “affect sex.” <br>It disrupts the governing dynamics that make intimacy sustainable. <br>Responsibility gets fragmented, so follow-through breaks. <br>Sociability gets interrupted, so attunement gets lost. <br>Engageability gets hijacked by distraction, novelty, mood, and timing. <br>Charitability gets replaced by shame, frustration, or misinterpretation. <br>Sovereignability gets weakened, so appetites and impulses steer the moment instead of the person steering them. <br>Discernibility gets blurred, so distraction gets misread as rejection. <br>Teachability determines whether the couple adapts together or keeps repeating the same painful loop. <br>That is why the “moment” feels so fragile. <br>The real issue is not just libido or technique. <br>It is whether two people have enough safety, regulation, discernment, and sovereign self-governance to keep reconnecting when interruption happens. <br>ADHD intimacy problems are often not a sex problem. <br>They are a social-metabolic competence problem. <br>Once you see that, the goal shifts: <br>less shame, <br>less personalization, <br>less neurotypical moralizing, <br>and more design for safety, rhythm, repair, and governing-dynamic alignment. <br>That is where adult intimacy actually gets stronger.

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• AN

  @AngelaSweet-w4y · 1 month ago

  Good for you