Obsessive love explained: why limerence exists

Comments · 36

• HO

  @HOUROFPOW3R · 1 year ago

  I've noticed with my last limerent episode, the moment where I made the biggest mistake wasn't anything I did externally, but was rather when I caught I feelings the first time I had invalidated them internally. If one accepts their feelings, validates their reality, and digests it, things go a lot smoother.

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• TO

  @tomsonik6256 · 1 year ago

  It's nuts that I obsses over someone, I couldn't stand when we were together...

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• SU

  @sugarbear1225 · 4 months ago

  Your words are so deep but true😪I felt like a drug addict zombie slave😵‍💫

• LO

  @lorelai-g9m · 1 year ago

  Hi Dr Tom. l would like to share my story with you. l deeply hope you respond. l am a 17 years old girl.<br>l am in limerence with someone who is 28 years older than me, which makes it impossible for me to even try to reach him. He used to be my study coach.<br>Wanna hear my story?, oh yeah for sure, here you go:<br>l always used to be a very creative kid but thats it. l am tired of this. l had been through a lot in previous 3 years. l was almost dying on a terrible earthquake occured in the country where i live. l unfortunately lost some relatives. l moved to another city, however i couldn&apos;t feel like i fit in the new class. So i changed school. At first i felt like i did fit in this time but turns out i wasn&apos;t. l lost friends and got ghosted by another friends. Also got ghosted by my crush. l even opened and got rejected. While that happened i felt a bond with my middle aged study coach, that caused limerence. My exam year sucked. Trying for another year now. Feeling like starting over the whole shit. Coach gone, big pain. No one, big pain. Alone, in big pain. How to deal with that shit? Sorry for bad language but i really need some company. If you read this thank you for your time.

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• AL

  @Alinejc111 · 6 months ago (edited)

  Merci <br>Les personnes avec un tdah sont aussi susceptibles de connaître c’est épisode avec différents objets . <br>Je me suis mis à la peinture depuis cette épisode qui a durer deux ans trouver une passion quelque chose que vous avez toujours voulut faire enfant pour vous sortir de la sa aide 🌈

• AN

  @AnnaHelena90 · 1 year ago

  Any tips on how to deal with the &quot;boredom&quot; after limerence? Im totally over LO and not grieving, but life seems boring and I kinda miss the highs that comes with limerence.

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• TI

  @TimeChills · 1 year ago

  This is amazing and important information! Thank you.

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• US

  @user-vn9sh6hv8r · 1 year ago (edited)

  Thanks Dr Tom. I really enjoy your takes on things. I&apos;m glad you answered the question i had (in my head) about fertility. I&apos;m at the end of my fertile era and have recently had my first bout of limerence in about 7 years. I used to be a serial limerent prior to that, then was living in a town with so few &apos;options&apos; that my tendency toward limerence kind of faded for lack of inspiration... not a lot of glimmers to spark any fires. I had a few parasocial crushes on distant public personalities instead, but nothing i&apos;d describe as truly limerent. Tbh it was a bit boring! Not having a deep crush affects my motivation and lust for life. Limerence - before it gets to that toxic stage - can be very uplifting and motivating, as you know. Anyway, this latest bout has been different as my waning fertility makes me think differently about myself and my relationships - more negatively if i&apos;m honest - and that changes the nature of the limerence. There&apos;s a lot more of the &quot;why would <b>he</b> want *me*?&quot; self-talk... But it also helps me to see it in a more objective light too. Like it&apos;s not driven by some underlying biological urge to &quot;mate, spawn, and die&quot; (to quote Jello Biafra). &nbsp;In fact, in many ways it would have been a more &quot;sensible&quot; relationship to pursue (unlike all the others). &nbsp;However, with the unexpected onset of distance and barriers to connection, my &quot;crush&quot; swiftly descended into a fairly toxic limerence. Ugh. In this state, your observation that &quot;other rewards pale in comparison&quot; really resonates. It&apos;s frustrating to have &apos;wins&apos;, goals achieved, and have some objectively fortunate experiences, and to feel so little joy or pleasure from them. Yet, in that first crush phase of limerence, even tiny good things spark lots of satisfaction... like everything&apos;s &apos;on the up&apos; in life. In that sense, it really does feel like an addiction that i need to unhook myself from, despite my desire to try to keep the spark of it alive... Oh bugger. What a shame!! 😆🤔😕

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• NO

  @not_mybrother · 1 year ago

  love your blogs!

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• NI

  @Nietzsche_101 · 10 months ago

  Thank you so much doc

• OR

  @Orange120-c2b · 1 year ago (edited)

  Dr Tom may i tell you about my daydream shift before i knew what limerence is.before my daydreams consisted of my gf caressing me and having an angel halo and wings basically idealizing her good traits i put this desired thoughts to avoid the empty feeling i got from my gf and also daydreams were consisted in animations and comics and the comics described how much she impacted my life positively i obsessed over it,once i realized i had limerence i went to trying to make my gf an empty she’ll basically no eye expression or emotions just her soulless body in my daydreams it was suppose to resemble how little i know it helped not idealizing her to something i desire but rather a way showing the reality of my feelings in my maladaptive daydreaming. Is this a great way of recovering limerence or no im making it worse?. Forgot to mention before she used to be my sole purpose of living now i wanna live for myself

• CS

  @CSCISME · 1 year ago (edited)

  I get it, but...Dr L, I am literally without estrogen. I am in menopause -- medically - so there is not a bit of E left for me. And, my limerence is off the chain. Can you thread the needle there for those of us in the later years? Is that just pure lust? And if so, why am I feeling it, if I am not...able to conceive...any longer?

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