The best cure for limerence

Comments · 314

• NA

  @nano7586 · 11 months ago

  Limerence is absolutely painful and soul crushing.

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• PE

  @perhaps_zx4rr · 7 months ago

  Being depressed + in limerence is hell on earth.

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• HO

  @hoppingwren · 1 year ago

  I have a lot of purpose in my life, I have a full time job as a researcher in Parliament, and in my spare time I have an arts practice (ceramics and poetry), heaps of friends, a regular meditation practice, regular therapy, do pilates etc -- the reason I get limerence is due to a father wound whereby I seek the attention of men who give it to me inconsistently. If I admire a man, and then he gives me some validation but then I start to lose it again, I can get stuck in limerance with that object. The way out is healing my father wounds and providing myself with validation.

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• SU

  @sunnytiwar.i · 4 months ago

  The saddest part isn’t being ignored.<br>It’s watching someone slowly become emotionally unavailable while still pretending the connection exists.

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• SP

  @spianny · 2 months ago

  I’ve come to the conclusion and made the rule that anyone who really excites me and causes me to hyper focus is not healthy and I need to run. <br>I’m automatically attracted to emotionally unavailable people because that’s what I grew up with. Also, sadly, healthy emotionally available people make me uncomfortable…. Like, why are you showing me love when I haven’t even earned it, are you stupid??<br>Anyways, I’m conscious of it and making real efforts to change

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• 4E

  @4estdweller4ever · 1 month ago

  I think radicle acceptance is the biggest step to managing limerence. Be a grown up and dismantle any unhealthy fantasy about someone who is not available to you for whatever reason and realize you’re expending energy for nothing. Use the energy for something real and possible. Sometimes we enjoy inflicting pain upon ourself bc a fantasy can be a break from reality and toying with our own feelings is titillating a little bit, it can also end in heartache.

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• UJ

  @ujjwalbhisade · 1 year ago

  With ADHD, it feels like you have found your soulmate. And the intense emotions destroy you, for good.

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• EL

  @ellainalaurino5515 · 6 months ago

  I&apos;ve gotten good at cutting limerant episodes short. But I have no purpose or will to live. When I try, my nervous system shuts down and I fall into a deep, dissociated depression where I am bedridden and flashing back to traumatic memories constantly. <br><br>It&apos;s frustrating hearing advice to &apos;live with purpose&apos; or &apos;go for your dreams&apos; when I have yet to find a way to be able to do so.

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• SN

  @snoozyq9576 · 3 months ago

  I&apos;ve had limerance a few times. I was snapped out of it recently when I saw the guy act like a creep and I am lucky that happened.

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• NA

  @Natalia-ox4zn · 1 year ago (edited)

  In my case it&apos;s always the same - first I&apos;m not interested in a guy, he&apos;s love-bombing me, very charming, giving me a lot of affection and validation. Then at some point I&apos;m giving in and he&apos;s withdrawing it, and starts to behave like I&apos;m a stranger. Then I am stuck in limerence for some time, thinking &quot;but maybe deep down he still thinks about me&quot;. Then when I finally stop, the guy comes again. I&apos;ve started to change it and I found the worst two points - one point is just after the guy will give me a lot of validation and then starts devaluing me - it&apos;s very hard for me to end things then instead of &quot;fighting&quot; for it, but I&apos;ve done that first time recently and it was very hard. The second hardest point is when he&apos;s coming back and saying things that make me think &quot;maybe I&apos;ve overreacted last time?&quot;, and then I&apos;m very encouraged to come back. I broke both of these points last month but it feels very lonely and scary. Keep your fingers crossed please ❤

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• DA

  @damsel72 · 1 year ago

  Brilliant video! Limerence you turn your desire into your purpose. You crave validation from a fantasy. As an ex co-dependent (no father) I have to become militant about focusing and nurturing myself. It’s not selfish or narcissistic…but it’s the only way to handle desperation. I’ve wasted so many years in a limerence loop. Having goals, hobbies build confidence and validation. In a sense, it’s like we want to have the same traits as the person we desire: their job, their interests and some traits they have. Limerence is crazy…it makes you seem crazy. You can overcome it- through interests, through time alone.

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• MI

  @mischamartinstudios · 1 year ago

  Dr. Tom, this clear, kind hearted, thoughtful explanation spattered with references from philosophy and literature was immensely healing. I am 73, and have only recently become aware of the phenomenon of limerence. I have suffered deeply in my life from the diabolical little psychological glitch, but at my age have already figured out how to survive it and go on. Going on is not the same as moving on. A concept that was always a mystery to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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