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Limerence: What Is It And How Do We Let It Go?

1.4M views · Apr 11, 2022 · People & Blogs

Heidi Priebe

509K subscribers

Comments · 4.1K

@jakesdekker7503 · 3 years ago
Limerence is extremely hard to let go of when that is the only “love” you have ever experienced.
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@tirtunemdouq · 3 years ago (edited)
An important addition to the video: people who had a difficult childhood, especially those who never had their emotional needs met are prone to limerance. The reason is because we were always prone to imagining a parellel reality, a whole world of fantasies we could escape to. Fantasies have always been a safer world for us than the real one, so our mind is already used to this dynamic (it's basically like 'muscle memory'). When something triggers this dynamic, it's like opening a portal to our safe fantasy world, and as destructive as it is, we are used to actually loving it.
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@CeceliaHampton92 · 3 years ago
I have never hated learning something and also deeply appreciate learning something so much at the same time
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@FantasyPiano317 · 1 year ago
As someone who’s very limerant his whole life I think I finally understood what it is…it is not love, it is the state of your inner child wanting and craving the love from a specific person. And by receiving just a little from that person you finally think and feel that you’ve found what you’ve always wanted. True, unconditional love. And so you lose yourself in that fantasy.
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@splendidninja1378 · 3 years ago
"Real connections can only form over shared realities."<br><br>Love that.
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@jordanschippers7546 · 3 years ago
Dude. I've been trying to rationalize why I have gone through any of my romantic interactions the way I have. I can't even express how powerful it is to finally put a name to this. God this is liberating.
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@Risa-tz9nx · 3 years ago
When she said that we develop a fantasy of someone being in a superior position bc we want them to take care of us, I feel it. Another possible reason is that when many of us were forced to take care of our parents emotionally as kids, and we were so tired of doing that. We spend a long time looking for someone who takes care of us. I get all these codependencies are bad, but, reparenting ourselves for something we've never had is so hard.
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@hipnhappenin · 2 years ago
I appreciate the fact that she isn't like, "Limerence is bad! It's toxic! Stop it now!" She acknowledges how, although usually maladaptive,  it's a comfort for some people and it takes conscious effort to decide I don't want to continue with this untrue story in my head
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@avp6730 · 3 years ago
Also something I'd add that I haven't really seen being talked much about with limerence is that in our fantasies WE are different not just the other person. Its also an idealised version of ourselves that plays out in these fantasies.
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@subtle_stream · 4 years ago
"we are so trained to attach motive to people's behaviors" this hit home for me and my habit of obsessing over people I find attractive and attaching some fantasy motive to mundane interactions.
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@Englishmeadows11 · 4 years ago
My limerence was born out of emotional deprivation. My estranged family were cold and distant. <br>I'm now concentrating on developing my own interests and hobbies for myself. I love the natural environment and going for long coastal walks. It makes me feel connected. It would be good to meet new people however I'm no longer desperate for validation. If someone likes me they like me, if they don't they don't. I'm fine with that. I don't miss those desperate, insecure feelings of limerence. It was a prison to me.
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@hari1234able · 2 years ago (edited)
"You need to appreciate people in the moment for actions that actually happened without telling yourself a story about them or any layer of interpretation whatsoever!", words to live by.
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