Manipulation: The Subtleties We Miss

Comments · 41

• LI

  @lindaoaten4879 · 9 months ago

  My partner has got me so twisted up in mental,emotional knots over the last 20 years…..I’m so exhausted and actually feel I was losing my mind……but I know I’m not and have to keep believing in my truth……it’s so insidious and breaks your whole being and soul.Thankyou for explaining these traits and personalities…..hard to share with anyone outside as he manipulates everyone and such a good actor.Keep enlightening us Darren.❤️🙏

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• BE

  @bereal6590 · 9 months ago

  It's as if everything they do is designed to make you feel bad about yourself unless you're doing what they want and even then something will come up. My mother loves times when she can play rescuer hero when it suits, telling me i cant make decisions but when im sure on someing she does the devils advocate thing. She then wins either way, if I don't go ahead she can look at me with pity. If I go ahead and it's wrong, she avoids all blame for anything, doesn't support me, then she can swoop in if things go wrong. If things go well, she is miserable! A horrible set up!!

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• JA

  @JaneSmith.9941 · 9 months ago (edited)

  Oh gosh, I was just talking about this with a friend today. My husband never said anything so obvious like, &quot;You&apos;re crazy&quot; or &quot;You&apos;re lying&quot;, or some obvious insult like, &quot;You&apos;re stupid&quot;. <br><br>What he would do is say something like, &quot;Honey, I don&apos;t think you&apos;re crazy. We all misunderstand things sometimes.&quot; Mind you, I never asked if he thought I was crazy. That actually hadn&apos;t crossed my mind at that point. <br><br>Or he&apos;d say, &quot;Honey, don&apos;t worry. I KNOW you aren&apos;t lying to me. I know you wouldn&apos;t do that!&quot; And he&apos;d say it with this tone of voice and demeanor like he had just assuaged my deepest fears. A fear I didn&apos;t have at that point. <br><br>Or he&apos;d say, &quot;We all know you&apos;ve got the better memory. You&apos;re a thousand times smarter than I am!! (head pat) And I&apos;ve got such a bad memory. But THIS time I have a crystal clear memory of this one. I don&apos;t know why you don&apos;t. But it happens to everyone. You can&apos;t be perfect all the time. (Laugh) That wouldn&apos;t be fair now would it!&quot; <br><br>Or, &quot;I don&apos;t know what to tell you. I don&apos;t know what happened. I&apos;m SURE you wouldn&apos;t lie to me and I DON&apos;T think you&apos;re crazy. I think you&apos;re AMAZING, and what I think of you is all that matters, right? So you have nothing to worry about. It&apos;ll just always be one of those mysteries. Let&apos;s not talk about it anymore (Big hug)&quot;.

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• CO

  @Colours01-c5r · 8 months ago

  My husbands parents were the masters of passive aggressive and the back handed compliment. Not once in 30 odd years has he ever corrected them. In fact he used to squeeze my knee as I took a breath to reply. Thank god I finally had the strength to break from them. Being a mummy’s boy, he of course hasn’t.

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• EM

  @emmas3716 · 2 months ago (edited)

  Ooo I&apos;ve just thought of a good example based on something I&apos;ve experienced a number of times from manipulative partners, &quot;your Dad&apos;s not an alcoholic&quot; (my Dad has end stage liver disease amongst many alcohol related health issues). Or &quot;well they&apos;re ok now&quot; if I open up on how difficult it has been worrying about my parents. It&apos;s called minimizing and it&apos;s often employed because the narcissist does not like to / is not able to offer empathy, support or have the focus on someone other than themselves.

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• SE

  @Seli83108 · 9 months ago

  Awesome topic and video as always! If anyone wanted more info I found that Susan Forward’s book “Emotional Blackmail” expands on everything Darren said today. That was such a life changing book for me and this video helped me remember a lot of what I learned. Thank you Darren! ❤

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• GA

  @gamelion3657 · 7 months ago

  I notice when you ask for specifics, such as “why did you hide x,y, z and lie about the such and such” they will come back with vague, non answers “I’m not a bad person! &nbsp;You just want to destroy me! &nbsp;You think I’m evil!” &nbsp;But they will NOT answer the question even if you say you want a YES or NO only on did they do a specific thing on a specific occasion. &nbsp;They will NOT. &nbsp;They either go silent or babble endlessly with what about isms but will not give simple yes or no.

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• IZ

  @IzabelaWaniek-i1x · 9 months ago

  Thank you for your invaluable help and advice Darren 🙏 God bless you ❤️🙏

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• HA

  @HandAufsHerz · 1 month ago

  Sounds to me like they studied NLP for years… just to test it on people. Same as sales-strategies.<br>I have a “kind of” friend who for a long time worked as a sales manager (clothing business). I just recognized that she always does all these little manipulative things- like making you presents first and then randomly asking for a favor…and another… and another…<br><br>First comes the hook in a friendly disguise- so it’s almost impossible to say “no” later on…<br><br>Thank you for sharing! Helps to keep our eyes open 😊

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• UN

  @Untethered_Power · 5 months ago

  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEjMk2bCYik&amp;t=1369">22:49</a> or if it’s not money they’ll just say, didn’t you volunteer your help? Didn’t you say you wanted to help me out? &nbsp;However, that one task that you did volunteer to help him out with somehow morphs into you’re their personal assistant, helping them with everything while you neglect your own needs and wants

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• MA

  @makaylahollywood3677 · 9 months ago (edited)

  You get a feeling like, &quot;somethings off, or something&apos;s not right&quot; it&apos;s in your gut. You question yourself. But, next time trust your gut..it knows. I was listening to the last lecture by Heiz Kohut. He said, &nbsp;&quot;If you want to hurt somebody and know his vulnerable spot...you have to know him to put in the right dig&quot;.

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• CY

  @cynthiathomas5754 · 13 days ago

  The spy example is called &quot; elicitatiom&quot;. Chase Hughs talks about it.

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