"Congruence" is the easiest way to become socially magnetic

Comments · 1.3K

• NE

  @NewelOfKnowledge · 1 year ago · pinned

  You got any ideas on a name for the skill mentioned in part 4? 👀🧐⬇

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• BE

  @bensdream · 1 year ago

  I watched your "how to make doing hard things easier than scrolling youtube" video last month and despite ignoring most self-help videos, for some reason I've managed to turn my life around following some of the advice in it. I started with journalling and things went from there - cut out social media, took out a gym membership (after a decade of procrastination), started reading more, and suddenly the black cloud I had looming over my head 24/7 is just.. gone. Thank you!

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• MA

  @maxwellschneiter · 1 year ago

  I think a big part of congruence is accepting yourself as you are in the moment and not being overly concerned with how others might perceive it.  I generally live in congruence, but as a mostly asocial introvert I am often told by others that I'm too aloof. When I was young I used alcohol to "open myself up", but that was counterproductive for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was a feeling of incongruence that I felt after sobering up.  Now I'm wise enough to know better. I am what I am and that's all that I am.

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• PH

  @phoebewoodruff1101 · 1 year ago

  That social skill of noticing others' incongruencies and facilitating solutions used to be called tact.

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• ST

  @Stigaaa · 1 year ago

  As a guy that became a people pleaser growing up, there is nothing more freeing and just straight up awesome then the feeling of just being authenthic. I dont always manage it, but since I started practicing just being honest with people the need to people please has in large parts of my life gone away. Its like my energy feel so much more alive and vital now, becuase im not constantly supressing myself to "fit in".

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• IA

  @IAMNINESOG · 1 year ago (edited)

  I literally hate watching your videos, but for some reason i subscribed in disgust and clicked off, but i still find myself clicking on them. Then I HATE watching you demostrate the issues. Then i realized i hated the way i was and i hated how you were pointing it out. Now im terrified to keep watching because you making me realize the fundamental things i was so confused about. Edit: Im watching from underneath the desk, i hate your calm and reassuring voice. Damn you!

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• MU

  @mutisahin · 1 year ago

  On this beautiful Saturday night, at home, my wife and daughter are already sleeping. I am in the kitchen with a half bowl of salad and a fig next to my raki. I’m watching this video with great engagement, thinking that this gentleman feels like an older brother who is just ten years younger than me. Love and respect from Gaziantep, Turkey.

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• CH

  @ChadsT.A. · 10 months ago

  funny you mention being drained when you live a facade. i have a story about that. i used to think i was an introvert because social situations drained me. well i ended up getting a job as a waiter at one of those restaurants where the waiters are mean to people... and a crazy thing happened at this restaurant, <br><br>the servers dont have time to think. we just have to say what pops in our head and roll with it and move on (basically it&apos;s improv comedy). on busy friday/saturday nights... when interacting with multiple people... i wouldnt be drained. i would feel like i was on all of the drugs in the world. i can&apos;t stress that enough. i felt HIGH. i was completely sober. i could not get enough of talking to people. i didnt want the nights to end. it was truly magic.<br><br>after years of reflecting, i&apos;ve come to the belief that no one is an introvert and no one is an extrovert. i don&apos;t think introvert/extrovert are a real thing. i think it&apos;s something different, falsely labeled as introvert/extrovert. my personal opinion is that introverts think and filter their thoughts too much and that thinking/filtering is what drains them... where extroverts dont think/filter much at all, so social situations energize them.<br><br>i was living proof that an &quot;introvert&quot; could be energized just the same as an extrovert. so imo, it&apos;s all false labeling of what is really going on; people filtering themselves and draining themselves through the filtering.

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• ZA

  @zak-a-roo264 · 1 year ago

  Been telling people I meet that I&apos;m struggling, it has spawned an amazing variety of conversations, invitations to get-togethers, job offers and interest in my art, possibly leading to marketing my work and etc.

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• HA

  @hamdubs · 1 year ago

  &quot;In order to reveal yourself to yourself, you have to feel permitted to do so&quot;

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• SA

  @Sam-dz8sf · 1 year ago

  I prefer the whiteboard. But the occasional slide presentation for the sake of clarity is also helpful I think.

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• VI

  @victorvasilev4640 · 1 year ago

  I think that congruence does not only make you more likeable, but also makes you feel better and healthier since you stop suppressing emotions that can pile into becoming emotional burnout for example. Nice video, learned a lot!

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