What People Get Wrong About Fear in Abusive Relationships

Comments · 134

• AD

  @AdamnDisgrace · 2 months ago

  "Something bad happens when I tell the truth" this is my life with my father

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• MO

  @moumoute34 · 2 months ago

  In case of abuse when you fight back an abuser , you get told that you are the abuser so you learn to make yourself small ( fawn)

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• MA

  @martahartzog9237 · 2 months ago

  The fear your body and mind experience is so real.

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• NU

  @nussknacker9827 · 2 months ago

  &quot;Just leave&quot; <br>To where? To the streets? <br>Shelters are full. <br>Most of us do NOT have a support system or can just magically find and afford a new apartment. <br>How will we transport our belongings without a car?

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• SO

  @sonicthehedgehog1463 · 2 months ago

  Thank you so much Lisa, your work is so important.

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• SO

  @sonicthehedgehog1463 · 2 months ago

  The same way people don’t just “leave their toxic workplace” or “stand up to their abusive coworkers or bosses” women have to put up with that but x1000. Not only because they’re facing their abusive privately and individually, but like you mentioned the years of grooming girls into becoming “docile” and “obedient”.

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• ST

  @star11sas · 2 months ago

  Thank you SO much for creating this. This needs to be talked about so much more than it is. I see it all the time. Especially on social media news articles. People from every direction chiming in with &quot;well I would have....&quot; Or &quot;why didn&apos;t they just.....&quot; It makes me so mad. They completely disregard the human experience as imperfect. It&apos;s also worth speaking to the luxury of looking in at the full story, which completely disregards that in the moment-in real time- we do not have that. We have zero idea what this irrational, explosive, dangerous person will do. Or even worse, we do. But they don&apos;t. Drives me crazy.

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• BE

  @BettyBoop-hm4hx · 2 months ago (edited)

  I normally don’t do this. I am 13 seconds into your video but could not wait to make a comment. I have been waiting for this video for a very, very, very, long time, and I’m so thankful that you’re saying this. It needs to be said. I cannot stand it when I hear people say (and my sister is really good at this), well, I would never do that. And every time I hear that, I wanna say, BS. Until you are EXACTLY in the same kind of position, you have NO Idea of how you would actually respond. ZERO. And I have ZERO respect for anyone who thinks that they do. I have found in certain situations that the people who honestly believe they wouldn’t do this or that, have actually been the first ones to do this or that. Past tense. I’ve seen it. It just makes me so angry. And all they’re doing is adding to the isolation and the injury of innocent people, and I don’t forgive them for that. F them for adding to that pain and injury! It’s easy to say all kinds of BS about something if you can reasonably feel that you’ll never be a victim of it. Armchair, quarterbacks, and phonies. You’re not better. You’re just an ass.

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• AN

  @AnnAndNala · 2 months ago

  THANK YOU for this. That ignorant attitude from others has been one of the most difficult things to deal with after escaping a violent, abusive ex. I developed c-ptsd as a result of it. I&apos;ve had to put distance between myself and those that just don&apos;t get it.

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• BE

  @BettyBoop-hm4hx · 2 months ago

  That was just such an excellent video. I had to listen to it three times. Everything you said in there is absolutely correct. And another thing about disassociating is that sometimes you have to disassociate to keep yourself alive, and to keep yourself normal. It is a survival technique.

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• DI

  @dianastrong5262 · 2 months ago

  Betrayal blindness is the equivalent of the freeze response-- the way our brains literally refuse to see abusive behavior so that we don&apos;t have to face the reality of the situation, because we rely on the abusive person in some way, and recognizing the abuse would threaten our survival or our core sense of identity. The metaphor of &quot;don&apos;t rock the boat&quot; makes sense to me-- people don&apos;t rock the boat because we don&apos;t want to drown. It is really hard to fight or leave when a person in a position of power (or even an entire organization) is behaving abusively, because we depend on that person in some way, for identity, for material needs, etc-- so simply blocking it out is usually our best option. (This is something I&apos;m basically paraphrasing from Dr. Jennifer Freyd who came up with the DARVO acronym).

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• AV

  @avanellehansen4525 · 2 months ago

  This nade me cry. I&apos;ve carried thia blame and shame for 40 years! You are changing lives!❤❤❤

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