The Secret to a Healthy Relationship? Repelling the Wrong Men

Comments · 185

• KR

  @KrystalMLechner · 4 months ago

  &quot;Not everybody deserves your empathy and you do not owe everybody your emotional comfort.&quot; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFmSAhkwwso&amp;t=770">12:50</a>. That&apos;s a powerful line right there. Thank you, Tanya. ❤

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• MA

  @Marlenkaminta · 3 months ago

  I heard the other day that it’s not about who you attract, but what you tolerate. Predatory people shoot their shot at anyone and everyone. Their ‘attraction’ is kind of inevitable.

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• BL

  @blackswan4486 · 5 months ago

  It’s why I don’t like “you attract abusers”. It doesn’t explain why you aren’t ALSO getting good ones. The trick is getting rid of bad ones which can monopolize your time and keep you from good ones

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• HE

  @heimweh_ · 5 months ago (edited)

  Very important video! Yes, being a &quot;good girl&quot;, &quot;good woman&quot;, &quot;good worker&quot;, &quot;good mother&quot; is often being a good victim, be difficult! These predatory people can manipulate you saying that you are &quot;rude&quot;, or &quot;selfish&quot;, or try to shame you or call you &quot;bad&quot;. Learn to be ok with it, not wanting to prove that you are &quot;good&quot;.

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• IV

  @ivanavrkic650 · 5 months ago

  This cat behind is loved and has high self esteem

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• AR

  @artbabyjade · 5 months ago

  Well said! Ever since I became highly educated in the psychology and behaviours of dark personalities, you can often clock it on the very first date. They will test you asap. Some examples I have experienced: asking if they can call - I say no. he calls anyway (do you answer despite your boundary?); insisting I eat something on the date over and over and over (will you eventually give in?); telling childhood sob story (will you fawn over them and mistake it as vulnerability and intimacy?.); repeatedly mentioning that what I ordered looks so much better (will you offer to trade?); cancelling the date at the last minute (will you eagerly reschedule?). One of them even outright asked, &quot;So have you experienced any traumas?&quot; LOL the audacity. The &quot;date&quot; is an interview for a predator to see if you&apos;ll be a good target. Honourable mention: to garner intel, they will make a bold statement about you as a person and wait and see if you deny it or reveal some related personal information about you that they want. Stay safeee and research these mfs because they are everywhere and they are waiting for someone naive to victimize

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• EV

  @everydaytwiceonsundays4498 · 5 months ago

  Yes, it took me decades to learn this. It starts in the little things: don&apos;t cancel other plans to see him at a time that&apos;s convenient for him, if he can&apos;t find a time that suits you then it won&apos;t work; say &quot;no&quot;, ask for what you want. Don&apos;t say &quot;whatever you want&quot; when he asks where you want to eat, say &quot;seafood or Chinese&quot; (or whatever applies to you), and then make a note of his reaction. Does he try to convince you to go to a steakhouse instead? Does he take you someplace that he&apos;d have reason to know was bad, or get takeout and let it get cold? Always keep in mind he&apos;ll never be better than in the beginning; he is showing you what he&apos;s like, what life with him will be like... at best.

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• AQ

  @aquamarinedream8304 · 4 months ago (edited)

  Previous victim of narcissistic abuse, I had the trifecta. Can confirm, you MUST have a backbone and chase them out. Otherwise you are an abuse target and it can get bad.<br><br>You have to build the confidence through fire or good upbringing....but once there, the best way is saying no to things, not catering to their ego, saying directly what you want, holding them accountable, not being shy, take up space you&apos;re entitled to, call &apos;em out, don&apos;t be responsible for their emotions.<br><br>Feels good. 🔥 You can still be a kind person AND have ruthless boundaries. It&apos;s kindness to yourself!!! Watch out for charmers, I hate charm.

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• ST

  @Student.1992 · 4 months ago (edited)

  In my late twenties, I found it deeply healing to start cultivating friendships with men and, in particular, to listen to their perspectives. I found it immensely helpful when a well-intentioned male friend encouraged me to develop some &quot;audacity&quot; being being comfortable with being in some situation the &quot;heartless b*tch&quot;. It might sound extreme at first, but becoming comfortable with that and embracing a certain level of it greatly helped me establish my own autonomy and ask or demand for some things. It allowed me to simply ignore certain invatation and not supply

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• RU

  @Ruvi_Caru · 5 months ago

  10 years in healing here! Once you start working on yourself and your trauma, your taste in partners changes completely. You start finding people with emotional issues unattractive just like you said and since you know the consequences of such issues now, you RUN from them 😅. You become really good spotting them. Unhealed people can be toxic to healthy people even if they&apos;re well intended. I know I was, and very ignorant of it. Unhealed and ignorant of the kind of evil out in the world is why I ended up marrying and divorcing a malignant narcissist.

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• JE

  @jencat4747 · 5 months ago

  One thing a past therapist had me do was practice saying &quot;no&quot; to small things in early dating. Back then I really didn&apos;t have a strong opinion on small things like what restaurant we went to on a date or what film we watched on netflix, so I was happy to defer to the man&apos;s preferences. However, because I was so &quot;agreeable&quot; &nbsp;a.) I never got a chance to see how the guy handled disagreement till much later in the relationship and b.) I didn&apos;t have much practice in saying &quot;no&quot;. These days I can clock not nice men much faster and I, actually, have more opinions about the small stuff (in a good way--I&apos;m willing to compromise, but not roll over).

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• RO

  @RoseNZieg · 5 months ago

  I find that simply being smart, having strong morals, and being outspoken will repel most bad actors. You do attract people who are great liars and think they can outsmart you but usually I can tell who is a sycophant, narcissist, or a psychopath. I guess the most important thing to do is to not ignore red flags.

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