DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT & AFFECTION: "I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU HUG ME, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY."

Comments · 325

• GO

  @GoddessRena88 · 3 years ago

  It’s so unfair we shouldn’t have to be doing years of work to repair ourselves from the damage from our caregivers. The people who are supposed to love us unconditionally I’m so tired.

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• RY

  @ryannesumbry4130 · 3 years ago

  I wasn’t shown affection growing up and  now affection feels really uncomfortable

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• LE

  @lehayura · 3 years ago (edited)

  This. I realized this a few years ago. My bio mom is very very emotionally immature, explosive, violent, and inconsistent. When I received emotional or physical affection, it was 100% conditional, and it was 100% when she needed a parent, therapist, etc. She always forced me to comfort and parent her. I didn’t have a choice. She did not respect or recognize boundaries. I was punished until I gave her what she wanted from me.

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• SP

  @spiritreadings7779 · 3 years ago (edited)

  EXACTLY, when I didn't reciprocate a hug ,  my mother called me so many ugly names and said that ill always be alone . This video has eased the GUILT I've carried for years. My mother refuses to get counseling with me. she says " you go on your own.  "  interestingly enough , none of my 2 other siblings have kids or will ever have them .

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• CH

  @chrisc3571 · 3 years ago

  I don&apos;t need to understand why I don&apos;t like to be hugged by most people. <br>What I NEEEEED, is for the &quot;But, I&apos;m a hugger!&quot; people to understand how much I really wish they would skip me.

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• TR

  @triciag3311 · 3 years ago

  I can&apos;t believe how accurate this is. It&apos;s like you are describing me exactly. I started therapy recently. I&apos;m 51 and it took me a pretty long time in my life to realize my childhood wasn&apos;t normal, because I wasn&apos;t physically abused. <br>I&apos;m learning so much from therapy and channels like this and it&apos;s just like an epiphany!

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• ME

  @Megred79 · 3 years ago

  Disgusted, unsafe, pain, resentment…that’s how I felt. She almost never hugged me but when I was forced to it felt like I was hugging a snake. I never felt that way with my grandpa, who was the only stability in my life as a child and teen and whom I truly loved, or with my boys, both of whom I was very affectionate physically with when they were little. As I get older, physical affection is becoming more difficult for me, not easier, and I’m not sure why. My mother has been dead 20 years but I sometimes feel like I’m always triple-checking myself that I don’t become like her, even though I know deep down I’m not. It’s weird.

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• CA

  @candma4240 · 3 years ago

  Yes... &quot;your body is telling you something doesn&apos;t match here&quot;... This hit me. &nbsp;I&apos;ve been wondering about this very topic, so thank you for making this video, Dr. Sage.

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• CO

  @cory99998 · 3 years ago

  That&apos;s how it feels when &nbsp;she breaks down crying. I felt like a bad person for not having an empathetic response but really I think my body knows that this isn&apos;t a problem for me to solve and it&apos;s actually a manipulation tactic. She then acts like I&apos;m broken for not giving her the appropriate response.

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• CA

  @cann8035 · 3 years ago

  It’s all part of the let’s pretend game. &nbsp;I can be/say evil and vile towards you but “we’ll” just move on and I’ll hug you so “we’re” all good and I’m a kind and loving mom. <br>I HATE THE LET’S PRETEND GAME.

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• CO

  @coolqh · 3 years ago

  This is a huge problem in my relationship. I can not show affection other than with my animals.

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• WO

  @World-Sojourner.22 · 3 years ago

  When trapped in childhood, as I felt, not having the vocabulary to talk to myself about my family made my life feel hopeless. &nbsp;Hopeless children are very sad indeed.

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