Fearful-Avoidants: Breaking The Cycle Of On-Again Off-Again Relationships

Comments · 1.8K

• SP

  @spencecoin · 3 years ago

  After watching this, I feel seen for the first time in my life. I also feel so deeply sad for our parents and other generations who didn't get any sort of insight into these sorts of issues and just had to live and deal with them the best way possible without even being able to identify what these issues were.

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• WH

  @whiggygirl · 2 years ago (edited)

  It's so true that all you get told when you go to someone outside of the rship for support, that you just get told "Dump him" "You're worth more than that" and he is slagged off to high-heaven, when half of the issue is with me. It just makes  me completely withdraw, and internalise all of my pain and difficulties. Then I tie myself in knots trying to decipher what the actual truth is of what is going on, rather than what my anxiety is saying it is 😢

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• AL

  @AleenaAleena-c1l · 8 hours ago

  Anwen Reid’s anxiety quiz showed up on my feed again today. I ignored it the first two times, but now the algorithm is making it feel personal 😂 Fine, I’m going to see what everyone keeps talking about.

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• KA

  @kate_kate_kate · 3 years ago

  "Until you like yourself enough to accept that you're a human being who needs care, support, comfort..."  I have never heard the more precise description of what's going on with me and what changes I'm going through.

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• BR

  @bryceoleski5680 · 2 years ago

  I just ended a relationship with a fearful avoidant, and it was incredibly painful. One day we were naming our future children, the next she looked at me with disgust. This video clarified a lot of things for me.

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• DI

  @disdroid · 3 years ago

  I helped my partner overcome these issues by painting a stable background where she was free to enter or leave whenever she wished and there would be no rejection. Because of this she began responding to therapy, where she found the means to shift her attachment style.

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• TA

  @talesfromtheroad9530 · 3 years ago

  When you mentioned &apos;friendships where you bring your full authentic self,&apos; it made me realize that however amazing my current friendships are, I don&apos;t see them as deep or intimate or as vulnerable as the romantic relationships I&apos;ve had, because my &apos;full authentic self&apos; sometimes included sobbing naked in someone&apos;s arms over past trauma (of course I would never do with a friend 😂), or showing anger at a partner (I never show anger at friends), or calling and unloading with no filter all my anxieties about work, school etc (I am really careful about dumping on friends and ask first, etc). I need to do a lot of thinking about this... I tend to be my &apos;full authentic self&apos; only deep into a romantic relationship and sometimes that self is messy and unregulated and honestly probably hard to take care of....but I assume they won&apos;t leave and will nurture those sides of me (wrap me up in a burrito blanket lol) because they&apos;ve committed and love me.... Whereas with friends, I try really hard not to be a burden because I assume they&apos;ll back away if I&apos;m too much or hard to care for or dump negativity. So my friendships tend to be positive and steady and has lasted decades whereas my romantic relationships haven&apos;t gone more than a year or two. This is making me wonder, do I need to treat my boyfriends with more of the careful respectful distance I treat friends? Or practice sobbing in front of a friend and sharing deeper things or going to them for comfort on a bad day? .....maybe it&apos;s a combo. I def allow myself to get to very vulnerable, very deep states with partners and then ask for a lot of soothing there. But if I was on the opposite end of this role, I would find it exhausting.<br>Hmm lots to think about. I feel shame about this topic and vulnerable even sharing this...but thanks for creating a space to share and to anyone reading this for listening!

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• TA

  @tanyadepoalo4312 · 3 years ago

  The toll it takes on the partner of a fearful avoidant is also devastating! To have our emotions yo-yoed around like this creates trauma for us too! The on again off again is exhausting and we are always hoping when they come back that it will work “this time”

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• AL

  @ALT3REDB3AST · 3 years ago

  This sucks cause you dont really know you have issues until you&apos;re in a relationship that exposes that you do!<br>I just want to be happy. &nbsp;Learing and seeking therapy.😪

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• TH

  @themaggattack · 3 years ago

  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PCcJsp30AA&amp;t=667">11:07</a> It&apos;s sooooooo true!!!! &nbsp;It explains so much! We weren&apos;t allowed boundaries as children, so now we think the only way to get boundaries is to completely escape the whole relationship!

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• NE

  @NenneN... · 3 years ago

  Being a fearful avoidant is rough, such messed-up childhoods. I feel like there needs to be C-PTSD support groups like they have for AA etc. &nbsp;<br>I see, hear and validate you all, my comrades in trauma. 💜

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• ID

  @IdontspeakBro. · 3 years ago

  Thank you. I ended a relationship with a girl who behaved this way. Hardest thing I ever did, her compartmentalising is painful to watch. To see someone choose to be absent, to feel like you don’t care and they have this super power where they can leave with no issues. Was all to much for me to bear anymore. Be kind to people everyone.

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