A Room Full of Grieving Parents: What I Learned

Comments · 11

• FI

  @Findingyourcourage · 3 weeks ago (edited)

  Thank you for this thought provoking video. I have been reflecting a lot about curiosity recently and it seem to me that without curiosity (on both part) it is very difficult to move out of our positions and towards a new way of relating to each other. And sadly curiosity is one of those gifts we are all born with and often our environment chip away until we loose it 😢.

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• ST

  @STENYALLCAPS · 9 hours ago

  I&apos;ve been interested in my family history lately. My great aunt had put together a timeline and family tree of my family&apos;s migration from Norway to the United States. Interestingly, most Norwegian immigrants into the area moved just north of the port in which they landed. My family moved 120 mi south through the wilderness 150 years ago built a farm and left everything Norway behind. Seems to me they were trying to run from something. Start something new and take him huge risks to do it. <br><br>After my grandfather returned from the Korean war he stashed his highly decorated uniform into the back of a closet. He hung a gun up in the barn next to the workbench, &nbsp;I remember it had an octagonal barrel. My father told us kids that it was the gun of his enemy. I don&apos;t think my grandfather hung that gun there as a trophy.<br><br>I think, in my family, each generation has had its trauma and each generation never had the proper foundation to understand how to deal with it or how to help people going through it. Every traumatizing event in our community is confronted like the stone wall. Just a barrier. You&apos;re not allowed to react emotionally. You&apos;re supposed to just get to work. There was no time to grieve when winter was coming and survival was the only way forward.

• TR

  @truthhandleryes2026 · 3 weeks ago

  I remember a long time ago, &nbsp;meeting a very wise and elderly childhood counselor who told me that as babies, some have suffered intensely due to colic or ear infections, etc. &nbsp;With no amount of cuddling and soothing alleviating their problem, &nbsp;a very deep need to feel okay was not met leaving the baby frustrated beyond the mother&apos;s ability to soothe. &nbsp; &nbsp;I&apos;ve wondered if that may have caused an attachment or bonding issue between baby and mother since mother &quot;was not able to make me feel better&quot;

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• HE

  @healingflowpractice · 2 weeks ago

  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lscyb6fFHKY&amp;t=1274">21:14</a> &quot;So, for a parent, that might mean hearing, &apos;That was frightening for me.&apos; without immediately responding with, &apos;But I wasn&apos;t trying to frighten you.&apos;&quot; <br> <br>This for some reason is reminding me of intent vs. impact. Often, the adult child is trying to communicate the hurt and impact of what happened, while an invalidating parent (so, not all parents) becomes defensive---denying, minimizing, shaming, or blame-shifting rather than acknowledging the experience. The response becomes, &quot;That didn&apos;t happen,&quot; &quot;You&apos;re too sensitive,&quot; &quot;Why are you still upset about this?&quot; or &quot;You&apos;re making me out to be a terrible parent,&quot; instead of simply hearing, &quot;That was frightening for me.&quot;

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• HE

  @healingflowpractice · 2 weeks ago

  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lscyb6fFHKY&amp;t=410">6:50</a> &quot;Often they have tried repeatedly. They&apos;ve explained. They&apos;ve argued. They&apos;ve softened the explanation to make it more hearable. They&apos;ve written letters. They&apos;ve tried different boundaries. They&apos;ve gone back. And then at some point, the problem is no longer [only] the original hurt. And this is crucial. It&apos;s what happens repeatedly when they try to talk about it.&quot;<br><br><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lscyb6fFHKY&amp;t=479">7:59</a> &quot;It&apos;s often the case that the issue isn&apos;t simply that something painful happened. It&apos;s actually what happened when somebody later tried to address it and talk about it.....And I think that&apos;s where things fall apart. Could the other person&apos;s experience be &nbsp;recognized? Could something then be repaired or did that repair attempt become another injury?&quot;<br><br>Exactly this. Each rupture compounds the one before it, deepening the pain and widening the gulf until repair becomes increasingly difficult, and eventually, impossible.

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• HE

  @healingflowpractice · 2 weeks ago

  I really appreciate the thoughtfulness, empathy, and inclusivity you&apos;ve shown throughout this and your other videos. I’m wondering if you would consider discussing double binds in a future video? <br> <br>It would be really helpful to see how parents’ reactions can create a double bind in which it becomes increasingly unsafe for an adult child to express themselves openly and vulnerably. Over time, estrangement can become the only way out of that double bind.<br> <br>I’d also love to see the other side of this: in healthier relationships, what does it look like when a double bind can be recognized and resolved within the relationship without one person ultimately having to exit or terminate the relationship in order to feel safe? How can both people move out of the bind, repair the ruptures that created or reinforced it, and create enough safety that the relationship can continue without the same pattern repeating?

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• AD

  @AdrianRif · 3 weeks ago

  Therapy does have a part to play. Good therapy provides real insight. But bad therapy can bring in assumptions or reinforce faulty thinking or a particular view as to what happened in the relationship which may not entirely match the reality.. Unfortunately, many of these adult children seem to use the language of therapy or a voice that often sounds it really isn’t theirs especially to describe the behaviour of others, without the self-reflection to bring about real transformational change to heal themselves. It reminds me of the relationship of Prince Harry and the Royal Family. Blaming others, whether justified or not, will only get you so far. Words like ‘abuse’ gets banded around like the word ‘fascist’ or ‘racist’ does nowadays in the public space, that it looses all meaning, context and objectivity, when in fact it is more indicative of serious disagreement, misalignment of perception, clash of personality or simply a conflict &nbsp;of values, reflecting society influences like social media, ‘woke’ peer pressures, greater individualism, self-centredness including narcissism, less deference or obligation towards family bonds, and societal expectations versus reality.

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• TH

  @TheresaClinton-jb8xz · 2 weeks ago (edited)

  Armchair diagnosis is completely wrong, therapists diagnosing parents they never met, wrong &nbsp;,a doctor cant diagnosis a broken leg by someone else describing it,..

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