How to Tell if Your Avoidant Man Actually Loves You

Comments · 583

• AT

  @AttachmentAdam · 10 months ago (edited) · pinned

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• GR

  @Grace_saysss · 8 months ago

  Avoidants need to do the work too through learning what makes their partners feel loved. The partners can give all the understanding and love but their fuel to do so will run out too.

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• JE

  @JessicaMarieRamirez · 10 months ago

  This makes so much sense. He told me before how he never did these things for anyone else, but paying the bills, buying groceries, buying everything the kids need are all his way of showing love.

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• AM

  @amyaubuchon2199 · 9 months ago

  Ive been with an avoidant for 2 years and I now realize he does not love me. Im convenient. My poor heart.

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• SN

  @snehadhanawade1916 · 4 months ago

  If I have to solve all my problems by myself and I have to save myself, then I don&apos;t need a man in my life.

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• AL

  @aleciawood2498 · 9 months ago

  I just have to say….this is 100% true. Everyone wants “unconditional love” but doesn’t want to actually know what it means to be selfless. <br>I have been loving an avoidant man for 15 years. We were married 6 years ago. The first 2 years were a nightmare. I hung on his every word, every action, and fell into deep depression and made us both miserable! In counseling(ALONE) I learned that I was reaping someone else’s seeds. This shutting down and showing no emotion was something he learned to do to protect himself as a child. I had to make it safe for him. I stopped reacting and started acting intentionally. &nbsp;I stopped making it about me and realized I was a grown woman who could take care of herself. It freed him! It freed us both. My happiness and contentment does not rise and fall on how he acts. Nor should it. He’s only a broken human being like all of us. I can not expect him to “complete me”😂. Such a lie! Now we are building real love and deep commitment. We have a long way to go but I consider it my honor to be his companion in this life. &nbsp;Finding this video was AWESOME

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• MO

  @mommasgarden · 8 months ago

  As an actual psychologist, this framing is not research-accurate because it uses attachment labels to guarantee intent (“he loves you; you’re just blind”) while ignoring what attachment research actually emphasizes: felt security and responsive attunement, not “provision = love.”<br><br>In adult attachment studies, a partner’s reliability can matter, but consistent emotional responsiveness—comfort when distressed, openness, and repair—predicts relationship security and satisfaction. If someone “goes cold,” dismisses feelings (“toughen up”), or withdraws when their partner seeks comfort, that maps onto deactivating strategies and can be experienced as real relational insecurity, not a simple misunderstanding of “love language.”<br><br>The video also conflates avoidant attachment with a fixed male “provider/protector” script. Avoidant attachment is a learned regulatory style found in all genders and cultures; it does not mean a person’s emotional distance should be reinterpreted as love, nor does it mean the other partner must translate neglect into devotion. A research-grounded view is: practical care can be meaningful, but love in attachment terms requires accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement—especially during vulnerability.

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• RO

  @RosieCeeV · 7 months ago

  Sounds like he does but he still doesn’t choose me, so I’m walking away.

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• JO

  @Joysings86 · 10 months ago

  I’m sorry ladies but this is not the type of person you want to be with. It’s too much emotional and mental gymnastics 🤸

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• BE

  @BeverleeJohnson-z8z · 9 months ago

  He loves me. Doesn’t understand the next 2 levels. Said those exact phrases. Tries to make me stronger all the time. Still complicated. But this has been enlightening.

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• LY

  @LysippeLee · 10 months ago

  Not me over here binge watching your videos after 12 years of marriage. Also, I watched a video of yours where you called the avoidant man a scared litte kitten, and now I can&apos;t unsee it. Ssshhhh. It&apos;s okay. We won&apos;t tell my husband that&apos;s how I see him now and not some giant a-hole. It&apos;ll be our little secret. 😂😂😂

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• TH

  @thegirlatthefrontdesk3519 · 7 months ago

  I&apos;ve been searching for YEARS for an explanation for what&apos;s going on in my relationship. He has said some of things word for word. I&apos;m stunned. Thank you!

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