Fixing The Fearful Avoidant Attachment - A Man's Guide

Comments · 682

• MI

  @michaelW6 · 2 years ago

  I cried so hard watching this. For ten years I’ve been looking for what’s broken in me, what’s jamming the mechanism of my mind and preventing me from being happy. But I could only ever focus on symptoms and derivative problems. Now I feel like this might be one of the roots of my suffering. Everything described in this video perfectly encapsulates my experience. <br>Thank you a lot.

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• A.

  @a.d.b535 · 2 years ago (edited)

  Its like someone greets you with 1 hand motioning to come closer while the other hand signals stop.

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• TC

  @tcggggg · 2 years ago

  Refreshing to hear a man talk about this

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• KO

  @koala01111986 · 2 years ago

  Being FA is a hell...you want relationships but then you say to yourself &quot;I&apos;m not made for relationships, I&apos;m better off alone&quot; or &quot;I&apos;m not one for relationships, I&apos;m a loner&quot; as soon as something in the relationship triggers you heavily

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• MA

  @Maerque · 2 years ago (edited)

  Lovr the video. I can confirm from experience, &nbsp;meditation makes all the difference. I started healing from this about 10 years ago, and my life has changed completely for the better since then. <br><br>Have to say the Wim Hof breathing didn&apos;t work for me, though. &nbsp;I did it consistently for about 5 months and it just added more stress hormones to the soup. I found much more benefit from gentle breathing and using meditation and Neville Goddard style visualization to change my self-concept on a deeper level. <br><br>Other things that helped me personally are quitting coffee (big difference!!), almost no alcohol (wasn&apos;t a big drinker to start with), pushing myself out of my comfort zone and forgiving my parents for &nbsp;the abuse they inflicted. They only parented to the best of their abilities at the time and holding on to anger is only hurting me, not them. <br><br>Thanks for the video!

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• KA

  @Karynwashere · 2 years ago

  Hello Sir… you are a GOD SEND!<br><br>I’m not a man, but your video showed up on my timeline, as I had been looking up videos on how to heal my attachment style. Everything, I mean everything, you stated in your video was not only spot on, it really articulated my lived experience. When you went in depth about the caregivers, many times I had to take deep breaths because that was so true for me. And to add an extra layer, when you talk about how our caregivers responded, men and women who have immigrant parents who come from war ridden, impoverished countries, or honor and shame centric societies &nbsp;really struggle because our parents are dismissive, stoic, and kind of look down on us, because we didn’t struggle the way they did. Even though they came to the west for better opportunities, they silently resent us for having it “easier”. And because their trauma is significant (and they never acknowledge their trauma most of the time) they are even more critical, lack compassion, hardly validate, and expect you to not voice your emotions or how they made you feel. Often times they are emotionally neglectful because most things they are focused on are logistic, &nbsp;because of how they grew up. I just wanted to add that, because I’ve seen the impact of my own culture effect my brothers, and myself, with the very things you named, but with culture added to it that inadvertently excuses abusive parent behavior, because … that’s the way it is. <br><br>Many things you said that men experience is the same for women, (I don’t want to one up so please don’t read it that way)and as much as I hate to say it, race also plays a factor. I only mention it to say that being an FA has similar impacts across the board, where I will be gender discriminate, is that I can acknowledge for men, they are NOT considered emotionally, and when people speak on avoidants they demonize them so much and it’s mostly and undertone towards men. I think about how &nbsp;incredibly difficult this attachment style has really really impacted my life, and know at least in some regard I’ll be slightly heard or empathized with (only to a certain extent, cause this is where race come in, being disregarded even further a black woman) But, for men there is no consideration, and that’s awful, because emotional pain, in my view really is worse than physical pain. &nbsp;I hope more men do find your video and learn more about their own experience, connect the dots, and begin healing, because I think this chasm we are having between men and women is deeply rooted in how we were raised. <br><br>I could go on, because I felt so validated in your video, but I have a question for you. One that I have thought about quite a bit. I’m really wondering if there is a connection around the parenting and climate in the world from parents in the 70s- 90s. It seems that millennials, and gen x seemed to be the most impacted emotionally and struggle a lot with our mental health. We also have a lot of harrowing experiences from our upbringing, and although our parents also experienced trauma, society really conditioned them to keep it in, not speak about it and they remain repressed, however the impact of that was the crack epidemic, the recession in the 80s, divorce and latch key generation in the 90s. There were social issues going on that time that ended up permeating in the home, and I’m just wondering why no one had done any research to the parenting attitudes and climates with those of certain ages and correlation to what was happening?<br><br>My last thought is being an FA is really hard, and healing is even harder. When I take 1 step to heal, I feel like one trigger takes me 10 steps back. I think for me, is the patterns of abuse and trauma that I experienced in childhood keep replaying in adulthood, which really makes it a challenge to heal when my caregivers still didn’t try to repair or heal their actions towards me, and their demons are now attached to ex partners, friends, or ex bosses that had similar traits. It’s like you’re always waiting for life to get better and it never comes.<br><br>Thank you for your work and good luck to all the men who are taking steps to their freedom.

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• GI

  @gigglecompass1 · 2 years ago

  I’ve been listening to attachment videos on YouTube for a while now. You have really hit the nail on the head. Really well done.

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• DA

  @daniP4728 · 2 years ago

  I&apos;m a FA woman and this is the best video I&apos;ve ever watched... men, &nbsp;women go through the exact same stuff

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• SC

  @scottphillips200 · 1 year ago

  This man is so smart. For the first time in 68 years I finally understand what is wrong with me. Thank you. This is a blessing to me.

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• JE

  @jeffreyconnor9769 · 2 years ago

  You get this way from being betrayed.

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• TH

  @TheColourAwesomer · 2 years ago

  Surprised with how much genuine, solid info is presented - get the sense that you understand it deeply. Child of a raging alcoholic father and shutdown/manic bipolar mother so I relate.<br><br>Personally, psychedelics and grief work have helped a lot. Embarrassing fear and feeling self-compassion is something I aim for everyday. As I grow more empathy for myself it extends outwards to the people around me.<br><br>Thanks for the video brother.

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• EL

  @elenaperez9687 · 2 years ago

  Thank you, as a woman it was still very helpful to listen to your video. I have been healing this attachment style on my own and with the help of my husband and it has been tough. The anxious thoughts trigger relationship anxiety/ROCD and when a conflict/disagreement arises in the relationship it is so hard to stay connected because I feel so unsafe. My husband also had unhealthy patterns although he leans on the secure side. After three years of stressful times my husband and I are finally navigating the triggers and conflicts in a healthier and more supportive way. He told me he learned so much about emotional safety and relationship skills since I started doing the work. He didn’t want to hear about it at first so I felt very lonely but more and more he opened up and is now so grateful. I am glad we didn’t give up.

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