Disorganized Attachment: How to Embrace Your Needs | Dr. Rick, Being Well

Comments · 375

• TO

  @tordre1 · 1 year ago

  I love how Dad is clearly proud and impressed by his son, and vice versa. The mutual respect is lovely to see. ❤

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• SM

  @smarsh_from_mars · 1 year ago

  It is definitely possible to heal disorganized attachment and move into secure attachment. With the help of an amazing therapist I have gotten there over the past 4 years. For anyone reading this, there is always hope if you put in the work and find awareness of your own patterns 💖

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• BE

  @benjaminholt6640 · 1 year ago

  "Own the unreasonableness" this is a beautiful idea

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• XL

  @xlxreneexlx · 1 year ago

  Out of all of the videos I've listened to recently, in an attempt to learn more & move past my disorganized attachment, I find this one the most humbling and empathetic. I feel like most of them just put the blame on us, when really we're frozen in a state of stress that we can't even begin to imagine how to escape. We're searching for a home that we don't even think exists.

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• CO

  @cordeliathedm · 1 year ago (edited)

  The sad thing about FA is that it feels like Jekyll and Hyde inside our heads. Not only do we have an eroded sense of self but ALSO a deep mistrust of the world around us. We swap between deep emotional intensity and confusion, and a very logical understanding of how we or others are dangerous. There is no integration between these two sides when we are triggered, so unlike the other attachment styles that have consistent coping mechanisms, there is no persistent feeling or logic happening to tether us to an action (eg: being needy or pushing people away). We feel like we are freefalling in space ALL of the time.<br>The problem is that we GENUINELY believe both of these states. When my emotions shut down I see all of what makes me uncomfortable and I want to cut it out of my life logically and methodically, and when my emotions come online again I realise what I destroyed and I NEED attention and attachment to regulate or I feel like I will die.<br>This leads to very inconsistent behaviour in us, which makes us feel insane and broken, and is absolute torture for our partners, which we CAN actually see happening, which puts us into a shame cycle that is very often the trigger for our shut downs. <br><br>I don&apos;t say any of this to host a pity party, I&apos;m sharing this in hopes that others might resonate with it and recognise the patterns in their own life. My journey in healing has only just begun but now that I understand why I do what I do, I know I can change that in me because I do really want to experience real trust one day.

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• SO

  @Sombrero_Loco · 1 year ago

  I’ve got disorganized attachment and that’s exactly how it feels, my “inside” is not reliable but neither the “outside”. Everything is chaotic.

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• ME

  @melissachinnici · 1 year ago

  I&apos;m definitely disorganized. Feels like there is no way to ever be secure. Being alone helps with stabilizing, but the moment I become attached, forget it. I already feel the mental illness creeping in and abandonment fears bubbling to the surface.

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• EU

  @EugeniaB82 · 1 year ago

  Your dad made me cry about owning my dissatisfaction/disappointment and you made me cry at <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4hhBkOFfwU&amp;t=3647">1:00:47</a> “you’re someone who gives a s…”<br>Really appreciate your videos, helping me work when my body just wants to shut down and shut off. Listening while I work helps A LOT!!

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• NY

  @NYCLeeL · 1 year ago (edited)

  Useful advice about focusing on learning about dismissive avoidance: it&apos;s like reading a book about playing the piano rather than playing it; you have to actually be in relationships to practice better responses.

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• GE

  @gember1382 · 1 year ago

  Wow, the part where you speak of owning the neediness made me tear up. Especially the neediness has always been shut down by my parents (and society does that, too). I am always nuanced and empatic to others (ofcourse to make sure they don&apos;t get mad or leave me, but it&apos;s not always conscious) and the idea of &quot;I shouldn&apos;t be this needy, because it&apos;s a bad thing&quot; comes up and I bottle up the anger and sadness that come from not being seen (in the NOW). Indeed....when people say &quot;yeah I&apos;m there for you, but not now&quot; or their eyes look at things in the background when I&apos;m talking or they give me a hug but not really...yes I feel anger and sadness...I feel like &quot;why am I not good enough for your full attention?&quot; But really owning that, is something I have to give myself permission to. So thank you for saying this! ❤

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• SI

  @sillysoul3663 · 1 year ago

  Thank you for this! I&apos;ve recently, after isolating myself from intimate relationships for some years, begun seeing a person I absolutely adore. And the intense feelings of anxiety over our physical distance and wanting to be as close as possible to him, have freaked me out quite a bit. &nbsp;And I&apos;ve felt so embarrassed for feeling needy towards him. So, when I&apos;ve opened up about my past experiences to him, and I recently told him how anxious I felt being away from him, he just told me that it sounds like a natural response that I&apos;d have and it&apos;s okay. And that it&apos;s nothing to be embarrassed about, he&apos;s not going to flinch away from me just for feeling my emotions. That was so mindblowing to me - I&apos;d either expect the person to shutdown, and not respond to anything I had to say. Or tell me that I have a lot of work to do to fix myself. It was intense for me being honest like that, but I&apos;m happy that I was.

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• ER

  @ericherman5413 · 1 year ago

  I have a disorganized attachment style. I was abandoned by my father, my mother was undiagnosed bipolar, I was terribly bullied K-12, I was cheated on in every intimate relationship I have had with women, and I later married an abusive borderline who tried to poison me to end the marriage instead of just telling me she wanted a divorce. I&apos;m 47 years old, I truly trust no one, and I&apos;ll likely never get married or live with anyone else ever again. Therapy helps me in learning to trust myself, but it can&apos;t change or fix the past. Now I have CPTSD and I&apos;m dealing. I have a ton of respect for my therapist, but I&apos;m sure I&apos;m a challenging case. Abuse, neglect, and a complete lack of care from adults all around me as a child taught me that no one is any good for anyone else. Not sure how to undo that damage.

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