Autistic Husband's Shutdowns Explained By Wife

Comments · 29

• KI

  @KirstenLarder · 11 days ago

  This is a very difficult watch. <br><br>I truly hope you are looking at the roots of your behaviour. I hope you can look at healing. Doing the work on your self if you wants to keep the relationship going and have a wife and family. <br>Your behaviour speaks volumes. <br>This has intergenerational wounds <br><br>Extremely early wounding. <br><br>You are also blueprinting for your children so these patterns continue <br>without consciousness <br><br>This affects the nervous system of your wife and children. <br><br>Your disregulation affects everyone you care about. <br><br>I’m just coming out of a 32 year marriage where understanding was not on my horizon. Severe trauma continues within consciousness. <br><br>ADHD and Autism needs to be healed at the roots. Labels permits for this to <br>continue &nbsp; <br><br>The overwhelm of your wife is so very important to support. Chronic fatigue is often what happens to women in these situations. <br><br>I hope shifts happen for your families sake. <br><br>I completely see and understand your wife. Wishing you the very best of luck. X

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• TH

  @The_TonyG · 1 month ago

  It seems like Ben&apos;s working style/schedule might actually be &nbsp;antithetical to the organization&apos;s mission.

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• LY

  @lynnever · 1 month ago

  Ben, if you can’t work and have a family, it’s time to pick one. Or it’s going to get chosen for you. This just isn’t okay.

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• ME

  @merg-vh5sx · 1 month ago

  I see a wife who might need help for Cassandra syndrome one day. I hope I&apos;m wrong. But choosing not to make changes that would reduce the impact/severity of the shutdowns becomes abusive over time.

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• JA

  @jamesnicoll8415 · 1 month ago

  Thankfully I am single and live alone. I disappear every weekend for 2 to 3 days to rest, re-calibrate, and just commune with nature. This allows me to work 4 days/week. I know that I’m very lucky.

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• M-

  @M-E-2-K · 1 month ago

  Oh Ben and Sam - thank you for sharing - I&apos;m sat in a hotel room in Brighton, in deep focus, working, listening to this - I&apos;m 8.07 minutes in and I&apos;ve tears rolling down my face - as my marriage is over, I had to get out to get space, or I was going to explode, this it seems is my move and I never knew- . Your podcast had helped beyond measure - I just wish I&apos;d known all this sooner I&apos;m 57. &nbsp;I needed to hear how Danielle feels from a different POV as we lost our way. With love and respect Paula

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• ME

  @memeticvs6017 · 1 month ago

  I&apos;ve had my own shutdowns. They are not easy to work with, but I know exactly when they happen. I feel it in my chest; usually, the most common thing I have to process is resentment, and I prefer to go quiet in order to protect people from all that weight that I am carrying. Although, I also know that I must be charitable towards them, so I do let them know that &quot;Yes, I am currently crunching through some emotional baggage, but I remain available, even if not to my full capacity&quot;. In theory, this sounds really nice, but in practice, the results are mixed. At times, I have this urge to lash out at others; but once I realise the why&apos;s and how&apos;s of those urges, I tend to not do it anymore. Because few things hurt me more than being a let-down for those special people who I care about. So there&apos;s this ongoing process of.. screwing up, unscrewing, and then correcting. It used to be a lot more difficult, but now, it&apos;s a lot easier for me to.. accommodate other people&apos;s normalcy, and for other people to accommodate my own flavour of autism.

• SA

  @Sarah-e1l9z · 1 month ago

  This happens to my husband. I’ve been with him for 8 years. He was diagnosed with Autism &nbsp;about a year ago. The shut downs are unbearable and it is not getting easier.

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• RO

  @RodeoDogLover · 22 hours ago

  Our greater environment tells us we can fix anything. But sometimes, I wonder, are there situation that cannot be solved to the benefit of all parties involved. If we want to acknowledge a difference in brain function it isn&apos;t a far stretch to consider that the needs of two parties—regardless of their brain patterns—are often irreconcilable.

• FO

  @FoobarDesign · 1 month ago (edited)

  Thanks for sharing this. Incredibly brave thing to do.<br><br>There no way to put this politely... this is not a situation one should want to sustain. It&apos;s incredibly unhealthy to him and especially her, and in the long term also to their daughter. The dynamic between people - even if they love each other a lot - just isn&apos;t something that can always be fixed in a way that works out for both partners in long term. Sometimes the differences between people are too fundamental. Been there, done that with my autistic wife... nope. Sorry but I don&apos;t feel like sugarcoating it.

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• ME

  @melissacustalow6637 · 1 month ago

  When is her time to herself when she goes through her own non-autistic &apos;shutdown&apos; as an overwhelmed mom?

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• BE

  @beccafranklin6683 · 1 month ago (edited)

  I’m a mum and I experience times I desperately need to be alone. Recently I’m in severe autistic burnout out and I struggle to speak or be around anyone for long. I’ve actually developed FND from the level of overwhelm my nervous system has been experiencing. It’s a massive strain on my family. But that is probably also from other stressors in my life. <br>Before things became a crisis I did used to go to a hotel alone once a month if I could. But it was pre planned, I would be in contact by text because it wasn’t a reactive step it was scheduled in (I hadn’t reached the tipping point into shutdown and can actually enjoy the time more) I can be silent for 24-48 hrs and everyone is expecting that. Perhaps if these breaks where scheduled and equally your wife also gets some scheduled breaks for her me time, there could be more balance and less resentment.

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