What Quiet Disorganized Women Don’t Say Out Loud | Adam Lane Smith The Attachment Specialist

Comments · 220

• TO

  @tomlisa555 · 1 year ago

  You have described me 100%. I have never felt so heard and seen.

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• M1

  @m1990-c4i · 1 year ago

  A video that talks about me and calls me out for 31 min and 29 seconds, thank you lol. And it's true, I feel horrible at saying anything about my parents. They really tried their best. My mom was straight up beaten by my grandfather and her raising me was her resisting from repeating the same. She never hit me, but she did yell a lot, she did the best to contain and I appreciate that. But I am super sensitive and scared of people being angry at me. I do everything for people to not get angry at me.

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• CA

  @cayceesmith2650 · 6 months ago

  This was the final 3-5 years of my marriage. Everything I said was twisted. Every need was a huge shameful burden. I began the marriage as anxiously attached and evolved into disorganized through intensifying abuse. After I had effectively been separated from my friends and family, I perceived I had nowhere to escape to. My saving Grace was a compassionate coworker who somehow figured out that things were not ok at home. He gave me the strength to get out. It was amazing how quickly I came back to myself after getting out of the situation. Now it's 10ish years later and I have wonderful relationships!

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• DO

  @dottyanne2359 · 1 year ago

  This has been a really interesting video for me.<br>4 months ago, my 5 months old relationship ended abruptly, and although heartbreak is not an uncommon human experience, and I have never went through it before, my reaction scared me, and showed me the areas in me, which I have to heal in me.<br>I had a little bit of previous knowledge of attachment theory, so I began to learn about these things.<br>And the more I learned, the less I could cathegorize myself either anxious or avoidant. I observed traits in me that made it hard to &quot;diagnose&quot; myself. (I don&apos;t want to put anyone in boxes, but in order to heal, I had to find a direction I could head towards)<br>And then you put out this video.<br>I have to say, I thank God, did NOT have any extreme trauma growing up. I am the middle child of 5, and I have an amazing, although anxious mom. We had a lot of financial hardship, and she was often anxious, and I didn&apos;t want to be a burden, so I stayed quiet, never mentioned my needs. In fact, I didn&apos;t even realised I could have them. 😅 I craved emotional intimacy while being afraid of it. I often people pleased to avoid conflict, even to the detriment of my own needs and boundaries. When my boyfriend of 5 moth broke up with me, I totally freezed (like always, during conflict), I had an opinion but could not, for the life of me say it out loud. I abandoned myself, like I did so many times before and realised it afterwards.<br>I have come a long way now from these patterns, but I have a long way ahead of me.<br>The point of this long comment is that I think I have this quiet disorganised attachment, but I had smaller events (I dont even wanna call them traumas) that led me here.<br>Thank you, Adam for these videos.

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• VI

  @Virtualdell73 · 3 weeks ago

  This is me. I’ve never heard all this before. I’ve been called introvert, shy, cold, not caring, and more. This is a huge light bulb moment for me… I’ve got so much to learn

• GE

  @genaculbreath6853 · 1 year ago

  This resonates so deeply is scary. I’m not sure whether to be excited to be finally be seen or to cry because of the experience.

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• TA

  @tanyaanderson144 · 1 year ago

  Ughh. This isn’t how the real me is, just another layer that formed around me. <br>In school I couldn’t even speak. People said I was mute. I had close friends and was silly and playful with them. Others saw this and were always shocked. It makes more sense now. I find myself frozen in time often. Just drifting. Paralyzed. I make comments online often now as an adult just to push myself to express myself and speak up finally. I refer to myself as a “silent intensity” 😅

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• PA

  @paganpositiveperspectivean9358 · 7 months ago (edited)

  I was considered morbidly shy as a child, so this makes a lot of sense. Now I&apos;m a plan a-z kind of person with the Greek alphabet on standby.

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• AN

  @Anna-hv9op · 1 year ago

  Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.<br><br>Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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• PA

  @paulpopescu2757 · 6 months ago

  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJvbU42XG_M&amp;t=1401">23:21</a> &quot;Brain learns to filter experiences through the lens of past unsafe environments, making it difficult to recognize when a connection is actually safe.&quot; Fascinating! <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJvbU42XG_M&amp;t=1464">24:24</a> &quot;Challenging your behaviours by learning new social rules.&quot;

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• CA

  @carolinemakumi9795 · 4 months ago (edited)

  Thanks Adam. It feels freeing to put these into words. I&apos;ve listened to hundreds of therapists and no one seems to get me until now.. <br>Also, I&apos;m really happy to see all these comments.. it&apos;s good to know I&apos;m not alone . I always thought I&apos;m made different and that no one can understand it .. huh, .. time to rebuild 💯

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• TH

  @TheNerdJutsu · 1 year ago

  Lol, jumping immediately to the defense of others - at least people I care about - that&apos;s definitely me.

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