Grief Changes You. What If You Don't Like Who You've Become?

Comments · 32

• CA

  @canadamike7461 · 4 days ago

  My wife passed away a little over 3 months ago.  You have beautifully put the feelings into words here.  Thank you 🙏

  1

• LO

  @LoriStevensRD · 6 days ago

  Thank you for this. I am definitely not the same—some changes are good, some not so great. I don’t even like looking at photos of the “old me”. I can’t really describe the feeling but it makes me uncomfortable and I generally avoid them. All of this… Only someone who has grieved can understand.

  3

• LO

  @LoriStevensRD · 6 days ago

  I hate that I worry excessively and feel like the next “bad thing” is around the corner. I hate that I am still angry and jealous of others who seem to float through life the way I once did.<br>I love that I have tried to become a better and more compassionate person. I love that I spend even more time and energy focused on my loved ones.

  1

• RF

  @RF1972. · 8 days ago

  Sometime I feel like a turtle, &nbsp;just want to pull into my shell and not be bothered and safe. I have strong days and weak days.The suffering my son went through, put me in an alert mode 24/7 for years... I know this sounds a little off, I don&apos;t have to worry anymore about his suffering, it was killing me. But another side is my longing for him is indescribable....I want to talk to him , which we did alot, I want to make him his favorite meal, so many things... My heart &nbsp;definitely &nbsp;breaks more for others , not just a loss but the struggles they go through.. ❤

  8

• ME

  @medicineformelancholy · 2 days ago

  Hi Brooke! My name is Sarah. I’m 39. Your video just came across my feed and I clicked on it because of the title. I have had a lot of trauma and losses happen to me in the last two years and one of the effects of that is that I have lost my identity and I don’t know who I am anymore. As I listened to this video I found myself nodding along to literally everything that you were saying. I lost my mom a little over a year ago and before that I had an experience at my workplace that I feel stole my life and my mental health completely. I was abused and scapegoated by people I trusted, and it was the worst experience of my life. I was forced out of my job that I loved. I lost a very close friend also who meant the world to me and losing that person felt like another death. I know you focus on grief from death, which definitely applies to me now since my mom left, but as I was listening to this video, I was mostly thinking about what happened to me at work and how much it has changed me. I definitely have grief over that experience because I lost many things. In addition to losing my friend and my job, I lost my home, I had to move away, I lost all of my confidence, not only my self-esteem, but my self-worth as a person just existing. I lost my reputation. I lost my health insurance, my security, my stability and routine, and most of all I lost my trust in people and in institutions. I lost so many things that it is definitely grief, but it’s amazing how much that type of grief and grief from death are the same. Since I’ve had both experiences recently, I think I can apply everything you’re saying to both and I just wanted to say I am so happy I found you. I’m going to binge all your videos and buy your book. 😊 I really needed someone like you in my life right now because I need so much help and I didn’t know how to get it, and I think that maybe you’re going to be a big part of that help. Something that you said in this video I really appreciated, and that is when you said that there is no lesson or wisdom that would make your loss worth it. You’re the first person I’ve ever heard say that because that’s what I think all the time. I feel like people always try to twist tragedy into something positive by saying that it’s somehow a good thing because you learn something from it or now you’re stronger or something like that, and my response every time is, I didn’t want that lesson. I didn’t need that lesson. I needed the thing that I lost and it was not a good thing that happened. It was a bad thing. It always will be a bad thing. And maybe I did learn a lesson. Maybe that is true. It doesn’t make what happened a good thing. It doesn’t make me better somehow, it doesn’t fix it and yes, it is not worth the loss at all. That’s something that bothers me a lot especially about my experience at work. There’s a lot of lessons I learned from that for sure, even I can acknowledge that, but I much preferred the way my life was before I learned those lessons. They were not lessons I wanted to learn. I didn’t want to know that these things could happen. I was much happier not knowing these things. So anyway, sorry for the long comment. I just had to come on here and say that I appreciate you and I love this video because I lost so much of my identity from both experiences. This is especially true after losing my mom because I felt my role in life was to be her caretaker (which is another story) and that was the only reason I was born. So now I think, who am I now that she is gone? What do I do now? I always knew I would feel this way after she died. And I was right. I like that you said we are not the same person and that’s ok, we don’t have to force ourselves to try to be that same person. I feel like that’s what I’ve been trying to do and been hard on myself that I haven’t been able to do it. Well, I’m not even finished with this video yet and I already love you and am so grateful for you! I can’t wait to watch the rest of your videos and read your book. Thank you for all you do! God bless you! ❤️‍🩹

• SO

  @SofiaBertagna-n1e · 8 days ago

  You’re absolutely right! When a loved one dies we lose the version of ourselves we were with that person. When I lost my fiancé it was like losing the other half of me and the girl I was with him never came back. You just learn to accept a new version of yourself because you have no other choice. Thank you for sharing all this info!! You’re doing an amazing job

  2

• OD

  @odessa2553 · 6 days ago

  Last week my former dance student died along with her best friend in a UTV accident. She was 12 and her friend was 13 or 14. The community has grieved and honored those girls immensely. I knew of your channel because I watched it after I lost my dog. And I’m here again trying to navigate this grief. I will try to get word to her mom to watch you. I know she is in unbearable pain. What you do helps people. Thank you for that.

• TH

  @TheErika711 · 8 days ago

  I&apos;ve been struggling up n down as you know that so well...WOW thank you for sharing this YES I miss parts of myself from before losing my Brother and Mom and yes I wanted to get back there but no it&apos;s never going to happen. Yes good things have come from losing them and that&apos;s crazy but I think if I got back to me insanely it&apos;s like they would be back. I&apos;m a different person and I have to start to face that. Thank you so much I needed this.

  3

• DI

  @Diane-vj7tb · 8 hours ago

  So sorry for all the loss you have had.Your going thru alot and yes you will change maybe its survival &nbsp;.Being alittle impatient &nbsp;is normal along the way.I was left after 37 yeats and my mom died years &nbsp;prior then i had a stroke so i have had a hard time .What i hate is im not the same as i was and it sucks but i haven&apos;t &nbsp;given up yet.Im pretty lonely. Hard to make friends at 69.I wish you all the best.Be gentle to yourself ❤

• IA

  @IanLees-b2u · 8 days ago

  You are awesome

  3

• IA

  @IanLees-b2u · 7 days ago

  I take your book and another book before and after loss/Dr. Lisa Shulman

• IA

  @IanLees-b2u · 7 days ago

  I read them daily