Cutting Family Off | Ep. 493

Comments · 92

• NA

  @naila.a.06 · 3 months ago

  Sure, there are some ppl who cut off family over trivial matters (politics, general disagreements, etc) but most of us who go no contact have serious reasons to do so. Most of the time it's abuse related. When I became a mother it became even clearer, that the way I was treated as a child was disgusting and abusive. I looked at my child and couldn't imagine doing the things that were done to me, to her. Ppl that come from families without abuse have a very difficult time imagining estrangement. The Lord has shown me I made the right choice. I would appreciate if Christians from good or even decent homes, realized most of us who go no contact have real, valid, reasons. We can forgive but that does not mean we have to subject ourselves or our children to abuse. It is a horrible, lonely choice to make. Please don't make us feel worse or judged for it.

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• SA

  @SAHMof4-k8b · 3 months ago

  I wish more people understood how deeply harmful chronic psychological/emotional abuse truly is. I know it's more hidden abuse but I wish it was understood and talked about more.

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• BR

  @brookenicoley90 · 3 months ago

  I heard a pastor say, "I am not here to be loved, I am here TO love" and that's always kept me moving forward with grace and love in relationships and to be honest, most of my closest relationships are the hardest

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• HO

  @HomesteadHealing · 3 months ago (edited)

  My dad is remarried to his 3rd wife, we do not want our children to have any exposure to that relationship. He wants to come visit us across the country with his new wife. I sent him an email explaining our beliefs,  and why we are not ok with him visiting with his new wife, and why we also do not want him to talk about her or say that he's married etc. to our children. I explained it in a very long, calm, email, being cautious of his feelings, but explaining how it effected me when he and my mom got divorced,  and we don't want to expose our children to it in our family, or in any way that we can prevent. He refused, said "it's a non starter, she's my wife" so while I didnt cut him off, I set my boundaries and held them tight, and he choose to stop contact because of it. I do pray for him, and hope he comes back to the church that he left long ago, and that we can bring him back into our lives again. I think you guys are absolutely correct, we have to have the hard conversations,  we have to set and hold boundaries,  and if they won't respect your boundaries,  that isn't cutting them off, it's protecting your family. ❤

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• AY

  @aylalaraine · 3 months ago

  Praying for your brother in making the right choice on his engagement, hope nothing effects your beautiful family with what's to come ❤🙏🏼

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• RI

  @RidgehillsDesignsCo · 3 months ago

  This conversation is totally in perfect time! I think because of the times were in so many people are dealing with this and it's really hard! I'm 40 and have a good relationship with my mom after a lot of things we had to work through from the past, she's christian but our beliefs are different with certain things, and it can be really hard to navigate.

• LI

  @lillabenak8802 · 2 months ago

  My first ever relationship with a man, my father, the one that was supposed to be my rock and protect me for a lifetime: Saying no to sexual harassment is to be punished. The thing that I say no to is the next target to push through. Only perfect obedience will spare me from shaming, abandonment of physical punishment ... and even that is not a 100% effective (depending on his mood). I should have done 120% to avoid them. The way I am to show love is to abandon myself (same toward my mother, yes marriage made in heaven). All my family thinks that I am a liar and a drama queen. My husband is and angel and helped build a life where I feel safe and was prepared to do the work to push them out of my life. The saddest thing is that I was not able to do it for my safety, I was not important enough to myself, but when they started grooming my two little girl the mama bear came out!

• BO

  @Bonnieuxful · 3 months ago

  There are parents who are believers who are being cut off because their children are involved in transgenderism, homosexuality, or believe differently politically. These parents are suffering so much for years of no communication and not getting to see their grandchildren. 😭😭😭😭😭Pray for these families🙏🏻👑🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

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• DA

  @davidtorres5867 · 3 months ago

  “Holiness differs nothing from happiness but in name. Holiness is happiness in the bud, and happiness is holiness at the full. Happiness is nothing but the quintessence of holiness.” Puritan Thomas Brooks (1662) From his work The Crown and Glory of Christianity: Or, Holiness, The Only Way To Happiness

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• NI

  @nicolepotts1318 · 3 months ago

  So beautifully convicting. My grandmother was horrendous to my mother and I never knew until I grew up. My mom never tainted my opinion of my grandmother. I found everything out on my own as I got older and could see things clearly. My respect for my mother is profoundly deep. To endure the verbal abuse and character attacks with grace is so beautiful.

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• RE

  @rebeccasmith3428 · 3 months ago (edited)

  I have been advised by counselors to go no-contact with certain family members.  However, not only did I not feel morally right about that, I also just felt like I couldn't do that to my own family.  I always wanted to ensure a door to reconciliation and love remained open.  So instead of no-contact, we've had to enact some very strict boundaries (e.g. we cannot welcome them to our home at this time, but would be glad for a video call with some strict rules around our conversation).  Unfortunately, our boundaries were received as being too great an insult, so my family went no-contact with us.  While seriously grieved at the situation, I view it as a grace that they were the ones to go no-contact, as it was increasingly challenging to navigate the relationship and enforce boundaries once we had children of our own.

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• MO

  @momoflittleladies · 3 months ago

  I like how you talk about trying to preserve the relationship and just distance/spend less time with certain people - even move away a little. How does this work if that family follows you? Like, they literally will attend the same chuch you attend, if you move, the move to it... they enroll their children in the same activities that you enroll yours in - its been going on for over 10 yeras and I am just mentally done. I have tried addressing it but have been yelled at and called names. They just keep following me and my children; and now my children are teens and its hard to just "start over" with certain activities or another church. Moving extremely far away would mean leaving all family behind and my husabnd switching jobs (which he likes).