Polyamory: Lifestyle or Sexual Orientation?

Comments · 49

• WE

  @wellbeingwithagnes · 2 months ago · pinned

  Do you think polyamory is best understood as a relationship style, a sexual orientation, something else entirely, or do you think the distinction isn't particularly useful? Which arguments did you find most convincing, and is there anything important that you think I've missed?

  3

• GR

  @grievouserror · 2 months ago

  I don't have any insights into the question but I found your examination of it to be completely engaging. Thank you, Agnes.

  4

• DA

  @Dayqquil · 1 month ago

  I'm obsessed with your library wall in the back. I aspire to have such a thing

  1

• MO

  @moondragon3535 · 2 months ago

  While I do think we're wired for polyam, I'm not sure we're under the queer umbrella. But there's so much intersectionality.

  5

• SO

  @Sortoflegend · 2 months ago (edited)

  I don&apos;t see it as a sexual orientation because it says nothing about the traits one finds sexually attractive. I can see the parallels and overlap, especially in terms of identity and stigma, but the similarities don&apos;t actually touch upon the criteria of sexual orientation and many of the same parallels can be drawn to concepts such as race, religious identity, or even political alignment. To consider polyamory a sexual orientation while excluding other socially constructed identities that don&apos;t have to do with sexual attraction would be inconsistent.<br><br>To put it into a syllogism: sexual orientations (M) are descriptions of who a person is drawn to (P). Polyamorous structures (S) are not descriptions of who a person is drawn to (P). Therefore, polyamorous structures (S) are not sexual orientations (M). 1) M is P. 2) S is not P. 3) S is not M.<br><br>However, by this logic we can look at the other identities included in LGBTQIA+ and note that being trans or intersex has no bearing on sexual orientation, so it is obviously not the only factor up for consideration when it comes to inclusion in queer communities. Trans and intersex inclusion indeed had more to do with shared experiences of persecution, desire for representation and acknowledgement, and solidarity with stigmatized counter-cultural identities than it does with sexual orientation, so my point is definitely more of a distinction than it is a reason to exclude polyamorous people from LGBTQIA+.<br><br>Is polyamory a sexual orientation? No, I don&apos;t think we can say that it is by any consistent logic. That doesn&apos;t mean it&apos;s not a non-sexual orientation or that it shouldn&apos;t be included under the queer banner in recognition of similar if not shared struggles.

  6

• SA

  @SacchieILU · 2 months ago

  Polyamorous people are absolutely welcome in the community. Being Trans isnt sexual identity, its gender identity. Aro people are also welcome, and thats a romantic identity. So is poly.<br><br>I would challenge that your view on not feeling like you fit in the community because you havent faced enough discrimination is really just internalized biphobia manifesting itself. Ive struggled with this a lot in the past for similar reasons.<br><br>Ultimately the community is beyond sexual orientation. Its about having a place for all of us who dont fit in with the rules of love society tries to impress upon us. We support one another, we fight for one another. You are welcome here 🧡

  3

• NO

  @notl33t · 2 months ago (edited)

  relationship orientation, but i&apos;ve heard polyamory described as a sexual orientation which i . . . disagree with because monogamy is a related to relationship orientation and they&apos;re often grouped as a dichotomy or a spectrum. i think its awesome if polyamorous people want to associate with LGBTQ+, but . . . polyamorous people can also be anti-LGBTQ+: hey we all contain multitudes and some of those multitudes can be &quot;open&quot; and close minded at the same time.

  2

• IF

  @iferlyf8172 · 2 months ago

  Polyamorous interests coincide with LGBT interests.<br><br>Both groups disturb the sexual status quo, both groups want to be free to be who they are. This is what unites gay/bi/pan people to trans people to ace people. Each being different groups but having those two things in common.<br><br>And I think that in that context, whether who you are is innate or constructed doesn&apos;t matter.<br><br>The only reason there&apos;s a LGBT community and not disparate groups of gay, bi/pan, trans and ace is because these groups decided to band together to be stronger against oppression. Rejecting other groups that are in the same situation is refusing them the safety and strength of numbers

  3

• CL

  @claytongriffith8323 · 2 months ago

  I think polyamory is a queer experience and for some identity but I don&apos;t view it as a sexual orientation or specifically a queer sexual orientation

  3

• ME

  @Mewtwo-r8x · 2 months ago (edited)

  I think people are reluctant to put poly on the lgbtq spectrum because most people consider both monogamy and poligamy a compromise anyways. <br>Its not so much am I attracted to people outside my primary relationship. <br>Its do I care more about being my partners only partner and the various other benefits that come with monogamy or being allowed to act on that attraction.

  2

• SE

  @sebestyenszaby · 2 months ago

  ENM is less about whether you can love multiple people and more about whether you choose to manage the complexity that comes with it. Affection isn&apos;t limited to one person, managing multiple relationships requires a lot of emotional energy, communication and of course extra resources. Whether someone pursues ENM usually comes down to their personal values, upbringing, and current lifestyle. For many, choosing monogamy isn&apos;t about lacking love for others, but about deciding to focus their limited energy and resources on one primary relationship. LGBTQ+ is about sexual orientation and gender identity, who you inherently are. ENM, on the other hand, is a choice about how you structure your relationships. The LGBTQ+ community was originally created to protect people based on their sexual orientation and gender identity. Nowadays the community is heavily bloated, members feel the community has grown too broad and lost its original purpose. People with problems who don&apos;t find their place in society join that community, which is already far too polluted, and the community members themselves say this.

• KE

  @kenofken9458 · 2 months ago

  I think polyamory is, if not precisely an orientation, closely analogous to that. I&apos;ve found over a long period of time that people are at some level either &quot;wired&quot; for polyamory or monogamy. I&apos;ve seen people try to move from one to the other by force of will, by deciding at an intellectual level that they should make that move. I&apos;ve seen them try for the sake of people they loved. But if it isn&apos;t truly how they are deep down, it never works. At least I&apos;ve never seen it work. <br><br>But having said that, I think the question of lifestyle vs orientation is itself problematic. Think about how that debate has been applied to the LGBT world:<br><br>The idea behind it is that rights and respect should only accrue to gay people if they &quot;can&apos;t help&quot; being how they are. If they are felt to have no agency. It pathlogizes homosexuality in order to stake a claim for compassion and acceptance on that basis. It&apos;s intended to short circuit the justifications fundamentalist Christians and others use to discriminate against LGBT. In other words, it&apos;s way to tell people &quot;hey, don&apos;t hate on this person because they can&apos;t help being this way&quot;. It&apos;s a &quot;condition&quot; in other words. <br><br>For their part, the homophobic religious radicals push very hard to deny the concept of orientation. They almost always refer to &quot;the homosexual lifestyle&quot;. <br><br>Nature vs nurture should not matter here. People should have rights and basic respect regardless. If they&apos;re consenting adults acting with other consenting adults, that&apos;s enough. If we succeed in convincing the world that polyamory is in fact an orientation, I&apos;m not sure that would be the win we may think it is. <br><br>Should polyamory be regarded as part of the LGBT spectrum? There are certainly arguments for and against. Many poly people are at least in some measure not strictly hetero. I also know plenty of people in the LGBT movement seem to resent the idea of poly folks trying to fit under their umbrella.<br><br> I think some of that comes down to &quot;respectability politics&quot;, which is the tendency of people in marginalized communities throw under the bus those people they see as being too flamboyant or controversial. They figure if they distance themselves from such people, mainstream culture will accept them as the &quot;normal ones&quot;. The enemies of LGBT rights are very actively trying to exploit those divisions to drive wedges within the community. Right wing extremist in particular are trying very hard to encourage the rest of the gay community to reject transgender people. Divide and conquer. <br><br>I don&apos;t know if being poly puts me on the queer spectrum, but I do know that we and the LGBT are hated by all of the same people. I would suggest the taxonomical question is not as important as working together in a common quest for rights.

  7