Are They Really Special—Or Are You Projecting? (Limerence)

Comments · 71

• YO

  @YouReclaimedProject · 6 months ago · pinned

  What trait do you think you’ve overvalued most in someone you became obsessed with — freedom, mystery, confidence, intensity, something else? I’m curious what you find most "sticky" about your person?

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• DA

  @dat868 · 6 months ago (edited)

  The thing that sucks about limerence is in some cases you don't know why you became infatuated with the person.  But the way they walk, talk and move just attracts you to them and it's something you didn't plan on and gets difficult to deal with.  It does improve with time but can take awhile depending on how serious the limerence was.

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• FI

  @fina4907 · 6 months ago

  You are very generous sharing this content with us. It has been really healing for me.

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• SI

  @Simontolivar · 6 months ago

  Definitely a projection, hindsight is a glorious insight into my own faults and failings of letting the heart rule the head.

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• FI

  @fitness4463 · 6 months ago

  Yeah, it's hard to do this, but sometimes necessary. For me, it's always the same type of emotionally detached women that do it. I don't know what it is about them. I guess to me, they always seem very 'together,' but in the end, they're basically just not into me in the way I'm into them. But I like their emotional detachment, and it looks so attractive at first.

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• PH

  @phillipclark6735 · 6 months ago

  What I really love about your channel is the way you make it feel like I'm actually sitting in the room with you, having a conversation. Thank you for all your help x

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• IA

  @IanYS · 6 months ago

  I relate so hard to this because I also value freedom, but lately things in my life made me feel like I was severely lacking it. Then comes my LO who I saw as someone who I thought embodied "freedom", but now that I'm in withdrawal, I see that not all of it is freedom. Some of it is, as you said, lack of rootedness, or lack of groundedness

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• JO

  @johnny310xx · 3 weeks ago

  definitely the  best channel out-there  on this subject (limerence)

• PO

  @polymathica · 6 months ago

  Dear Madalina, I am so grateful that The Algorithm brought me your videos when I needed them most.  I just watched your video about speaking the truth of the person aloud, and now I’m looking inward about what my LO really embodied to me. I think part of the reason I hung on was because something about him invoked something in me that I wish I could get from someone: Understanding, appreciation, and acceptance of the nerdiest parts of me. Both of us have PhDs in mathematics, a subject with which most people gleefully admit to incompetence. He was a terrible, dry texter, never asked any questions, not even “How are you today?”, and never spoke about how he felt about me, but when he started sending me math puzzles, I interpreted them as us sharing a secret language of beauty and order, and feeding each other with the delicious A-Ha! Moments that mathematicians live for.  I was giving that understanding to him and I didn’t want to give up on the hope of having a relationship with him because I didn’t want to give up on the existence of that kind of understanding—the understanding I wish someone would have for myself.

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• MU

  @MurkanGorilla · 5 months ago

  Your videos have helped me a lot. I haven't had any more suicidal attempts for a while but I still spiral sometimes because I feel so stupid for believing she really was my friend and cared about me

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• AR

  @Arreldee · 6 months ago

  Been there, done that, got the t shirt.... for 7 years..!<br>Reality vs my perception : Her sooo charming silence and unavailabilty for me &quot;surely because of a rich and busy life&quot; were in fact pure avoidance, her photos online (b&amp;w, never look directy at the camera, sihouettes &amp; shades, dark light etc) were not &quot;mystery&quot; but insecurity. Her poetic quotes, Latin quotes, intellectual music and cinema taste (European films d&apos;auteurs from the 70s) were not &quot;knowledge and superior intelligence&quot; but a cloak behind which she could hide her lack of communication skills.<br>I could go on and on, I&apos;ve idealised a person that was in fact just like the rest of us, with flaws and luggage to carry.

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• PA

  @paolacarallo227 · 5 months ago

  Such an incredible episode! You answered a lot of important questions. Thank you so much for the work you are doing. It&apos;s amazing to have found someone so educated, explaining not just the phenomenon of limerence, but also to understand ourselves and the dynamics around it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.