Why (Almost) All Avoidants Come Back After No Contact (Best Way to Respond)

Comments · 64

• UN

  @understandablepodcast · 1 month ago · pinned

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• JU

  @justinhoyt2477 · 1 month ago

  So many avoidants monkey branch or rebound, yet too few videos discuss the buffer a new relationship provides them. They don’t want a mirror being held up to them, so they build walls and aren’t alone long enough for no contact to actually do anything.

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• NA

  @nannariis3985 · 1 month ago

  I find that they very rarely come back after the discard. Usually they just continue watching your stories for all of eternity, maybe a very occasional like if anything, but they never reach out

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• KH

  @Khairoinsights · 1 month ago

  Avoidant attachment isn&apos;t about not caring, it&apos;s about deactivating strategies that suppress attachment needs under threat of closeness — but those needs don&apos;t disappear, they just go underground. When distance removes the pressure that triggered deactivation, the attachment system reactivates and old feelings resurface, often triggered by seeing an ex move on or by loneliness.

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• RI

  @richardcollins586 · 1 month ago

  They come back, that’s almost a given, though for what? To disappear again? To give endless breadcrumbs? They don’t have the emotional capacity for a relationship. An example: Sex, mind blowing and then you sleep in separate bedrooms, how is that right? I’ve lived this pain and nightmare. I wouldn’t wish these people on anyone, they can’t accept love, that’s what it boils down to.

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• LE

  @leehsiung2489 · 1 month ago

  Why is it so difficult to get over someone, my girlfriend ended our 3 yrs relationship few weeks ago, and ever since, till now, I still think about her and I’ve done all my best to get her back, but nothing worked. I miss her so much, the memories and everything we had, I wish I could spend the rest of my life with her. I just wish she could come back. I’ve been so down this past weeks. I can’t focus anymore. I cry everyday. I don’t know why I’m saying this here. I just miss her.

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• CO

  @cococaptivating7611 · 1 month ago

  Lots of avoidants do not come back

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• DY

  @DynacXevious · 1 month ago

  I am an anxious person and my bf is an avoidant. We haven’t had any breakups yet but there are times when I notice he withdraws. During those days (usually only 24 hours) I leave him alone even if it actually hurts me because I think he needs it. <br><br>He says I can message whenever I want and we’ve had this conversation many times and even fights where I ask him to please communicate with me that he wants space. But it doesn’t really go anywhere so when he doesn’t iniate contact and I don’t have anything specific to say I leave him alone for a day. <br><br>Even if he says it doesn’t matter I see how happy and attentive he is the day after so maybe I am on the right track to not overload him even if it would be possible.

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• TH

  @Thomashenry765 · 1 month ago

  Lovely video It was a month ago when my five year romantic life ended. I&apos;m deeply affected by the decision to end a relationship with the person I love. I have tried everything to win her back, even if it has been in vain, and I can&apos;t picture my life without her. I&apos;ve done my best to avoid thinking about her, yet I still find myself missing her and thinking about her frequently. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.

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• JU

  @juboo4451 · 1 month ago

  If the anxious person falls in love with an avoidant and hopes he might just open up and then love will flow - he&apos;s betraying himself. <br><br>Because he fell in love with the avoidant - and not with the emotionally available person. <br>So he&apos;s loving the avoidance in this person, not the availableness. If he would be in love with availableness he would fall in love with an available person. <br><br>Just the fact that he in his mind &nbsp;first needs to turn around an unavailable into an available person and not deciding to be with the available person from the get go, is telling everything. <br>If the unavailable person were available, the anxious person would not have fallen in love with him. So it might even be IF the unavailable person turns into an available one, the anxious person might indeed be gone. <br><br>The anxious person is not aware of he himself choosing unavailableness over availableness. <br><br>(all of this doesn&apos;t account for a person who just fell in love with an unavailable person once or twice. But it DOES count for someone who&apos;s constantly going for unavailable people).

• DA

  @DaleRunningbear-q6j · 1 month ago

  😢 don&apos;t want maybe 🤔

• LA

  @LaraSuK · 1 month ago

  My boyfriend and I were doing well in our relationship, but then we entered a period of frequent arguments. He broke up with me, saying that he currently can’t handle the weight and responsibility of a relationship and doesn’t feel capable of maintaining one, but that he still loves me and that his feelings for me haven’t disappeared. He wanted to stay friends.<br><br>When we first became friends after the breakup, he told me that maybe we could get back together in the future, that he still loved me, but that under the circumstances we couldn’t get back into a relationship right now. During this period, however, I pursued him too much, asked him too many questions, and kept bringing up the possibility of trying again. Over time, he became increasingly distant and our communication decreased significantly.<br><br>Eventually, he said, “I don’t feel anything for anyone right now.” But he wasn’t saying that when we first broke up.<br><br>What do you think about this? Do you think his feelings have actually disappeared, or could this be a classic avoidant shutdown situation? Could he miss me and come back after some time apart and lack of communication?

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