How to Bypass An Avoidant Attachment Style's Defenses To Connect More Deeply!

Comments · 298

• MA

  @maryjanebraddock · 2 years ago

  As a DA, thank you to all of the others in our lives who are working to meet us as we grow. It's not something you have to do but something we appreciate. Thank you.

  145

• AM

  @amdv3288 · 2 years ago

  Dating an avoidant is the best way to see your own patterns. If there is true love this is magic and very painful but so worth it. It will trigger all your insecurities so you can heal yourself ❤

  184

• TH

  @TheRealSeanJuan · 2 years ago

  As a former AP, once I became self-aware, dating a DA was the single biggest catalyst in my journey to become SA. It was what she needed from me, and the caregiver tendency in me knew that it was what she needed. I also knew being that way was what I needed. So I slowly became that. I am forever grateful for experiencing that with her.

  22

• TH

  @TheAlixir · 2 years ago

  Learning from Thais this is What I said to him that contributed to him committing after a year of situationshipness. <br>“Doesn’t have to be today, tomorrow or even next week, but I need certain non negotiable needs met and need to see the needle move or we may have to start taking an honest look at incompatibility” <br>I just wanted him to spend more time with me. He ended up saying he loves me and we became official. Wow!!! It worked!

  120

• MA

  @marcokuhner2445 · 2 years ago

  If you date a DA as an Anxiously attached person, having to follow all these rules is gonna make you feel less heard and at some point the pain will be so big you can’t keep it inside anymore

  49

• CH

  @cher9345 · 2 years ago

  All good info, but when they totally clam up not much a person can do.

  32

• SO

  @solongmari · 2 years ago

  I can be friends with an avoidant, but never lover. Once was enough. I became anxious and I&apos;m usually secure. It was crazy. Good for maybe a fling or a casual situation, but you really need to find a avoiding whos self aware for it to work. Which i think its rare to find..

  30

• LM

  @LMAR207 · 2 years ago

  The only thing I don&apos;t like about these videos is that they&apos;re always structured around how we should cater to an avoidant. If the person doesn&apos;t know they&apos;re an avoidant, or don&apos;t want to acknowledge that they are, then all we&apos;re doing is enabling them to continue their toxic behavior. I shouldn&apos;t have to walk on eggshells around their tendency to dismiss relationships. They need to work on healing their core wounds and then we can approach the relationship from a secure standpoint.

  143

• SK

  @SK-no2pp · 2 years ago

  If someone acts like your partner but refuses to use titles, it&apos;s because they aren&apos;t ready for a relationship, want to keep their options open, or aren&apos;t sure about you. Titles define a relationship.<br>There&apos;s no ambiguity when there&apos;s a title, which is why labels scare people who aren&apos;t read to commit. Relationships are about actions AND words. When it comes to relationships, actions don&apos;t always speak louder than words. One is not more important than the other. The important thing is whether someone&apos;s actions align with their words. To avoid using a title, people might say things like let&apos;s just take it slow, I want to enjoy what we have, I like things the way they are, I don&apos;t want to get hurt, I don&apos;t do labels, it&apos;s too much pressure, I&apos;m not ready for a relationship yet, the timing isn&apos;t right, let&apos;s see how things are going in a few months, etc... But when a person is ready to commit, comfortable with intimacy, and sure about you, the way they act will align with the words they speak

  35

• TH

  @TheAlixir · 2 years ago

  I find I do well communicating until he says “I’m not doing this right now” and something inside me gets triggered and I fall into unhealthy communication. I’ve learned this so try to stop myself but I’m feeling crazy the entire time. I think it triggers abandonment and makes me fear that he’s trying to train me to keep my mouth shut as the narcissists I was with before would do.

  42

• SA

  @SandraWade666 · 2 years ago (edited)

  I could not say anything less than positive with my FA without him projecting his own internalizing of what I&apos;m saying meaning he&apos;s a &quot;bad partner&quot; onto me. It was like he didn&apos;t understand anything I said because his defenses were so strong. And i always used &quot;i feel&quot; &quot;I think&quot; language and talk about behavior not character but he still projected onto me. &nbsp;He will have a hard time finding someone like me who is secure AND tried to communicate with him nicely and healthily with him, or someone who did as much work as I did!!

  43

• SI

  @Sifu_Black · 2 years ago

  Seems like a lot of work and is eerily similar to the constant validation the APs need in a relationship. I&apos;ve always just addressed things in a loving way and guaged the response I received. I&apos;d either leave it stay depending on the response.

  19