Abuse in Polyamory: Franklin Veaux and Polyamorous Protectionism

Comments · 589

• GO

  @gozerthegozarian9500 · 3 years ago

  As soon as Mandy said that after the breakup, Franklin immediately began writing and posting while Eve initially remained silent, my brain went "DARVO alert, DARVO alert! We got incoming, this is not a drill!"

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• JA

  @jackriver8385 · 4 years ago

  Having been in an abusive non monogamous relationship I definitely recognise the feeling of not really being able to talk about the specific ways my ex was abusive without people saying "see, non monogamous relationships don't work," causing me to have to defend my ex in some way, because being non monogamous isn't what made him abusive. It's definitely not a great situation to be put in.

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• FO

  @forests4816 · 4 years ago

  The poem about the nail has left me in tears. I experienced gaslighting and abuse at the hands of someone several years ago, I tried to speak out at the time but couldn’t ever find the words. and while I’ve done lots of healing and therapy, the experience ended up pushing me out of the community I was living in, destroying more than three years of life I had been working towards building. I finally feel seen. I luckily found beautiful people who believe me, but I’m having to try and rebuild my life, and it feels impossible. I haven’t finished this yet but just wanted to say thank you.

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• ZY

  @ZyllasAthenaeum · 4 years ago

  I know this house.  I've felt these walls.  It was never about the nail.  It was never about you, or me, or Eve.  Thank you so much for this work.

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• CA

  @caelanconrad · 4 years ago

  This video is so beautifully made and so incredibly important. Thank you for doing this. Survivors deserve to be heard, and anyone who helps that happen is doing something to make the world a little better to live in.

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• VI

  @victoriajankowski1197 · 4 years ago (edited)

  There's a thing that gets left out of the 'mutual abuse' discussion while that relationship might be 'mutual' those same abusive behaviors go with them into their other relationships. I speak as someone who has been both abuser and abused in my life (much counseling, transparency in new relationships and 20 or so years of work later, I'm still unlearning bad behavior) My first relationship was one of the magical 'mutually abusive' relationships, the one in a million when two badly behaved people got into a relationship together, but we both moved on to relationships that where not mutual. Just because a victim is maybe also a terrible person never excuses the abusive behavior. Abuse is never earned by the victim.

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• RE

  @readyforpolyamory · 4 years ago

  As a fellow survivor and "imperfect victim" - thank you for all of this but especially for chapter 12.

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• NA

  @Nam_Nam999 · 4 years ago

  I&apos;ve interacted with Franklin on Quora numerous times. Around 2019 and onwards, whenever rumors, allegations, and whispers began to circulate, he was all too willing to immediately downplay them. <br><br>When it became clear that there were no rumors, only the cold truth of the matter that he was trying to suppress, he posted about how he was oh so honorable with how he was taking accountability. That seemed to be enough for the other Quorans to accept him.<br><br>He is one of the &quot;old gods&quot; of that website. As moderation falters and it becomes a shell of what it used to be, if you want good content, you will be recommended Franklin, and by other respected Quorans too.<br><br>He portrays himself as a diamond in the rough, a king of polyamory, Quora, and a jack of all trades kinda guy. But he hasn&apos;t won the war on Twitter, YouTube, Reddit, and so on. Let&apos;s signal boost this video as much as we can, let them learn about Franklin before they make it to Quora.

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• TH

  @TheLeftistCooks · 4 years ago

  Mandy, congratulations on an incredible video. Most of the praise you deserve has already been said but I just want to praise you in particular for Part 7: Queer Protectionism. Delicately, deftly, but uncompromisingly dealt with. I really appreciate how you brought yourself as a potentially flawed participant in situations like that; how you owned the rationale and humanity of responding less than ideally to abuse - or being confused by it etc. Just. Excellent. Necessary. Wonderful. <br><br>Also I like the way you keep reassuring us that we&apos;re a smart audience. Love that. Will be stealing, thanks.

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• HO

  @hootshootman · 4 years ago

  This is all very troubling and serious, but the mental image of Franklin clutching a spreader bar and weeping was very funny to me. Excellent video, Mandy. I&apos;m honored to have voiced Eve. Thank you for amplifying the voices of the survivors.

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• XC

  @xChaosReignsx · 2 years ago

  I know this is from 2 years ago but an updated version came up in my recommended and I figured I’ll start here.. 10/10 content and just subbed! &lt;3

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• FO

  @ForeignManinaForeignLand · 4 years ago

  Excellent production, Mandy. I&apos;m rarely exposed to these experiences so I&apos;m thankful you made such a comprehensive dive into polyamory and so many adjacent experiences

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