What is Secure Attachment? | AMA

🧠 Join Becoming HER & go from heartbreak to secure love in 63 days: https://www.skool.com/becoming-her/about 🧠 Check out my Substack for more in-depth healing tools: https://blog.mindbrainbodylab.com/ ➡️ If this is your first video: I'm Cody. I run Mind, Brain, Body Lab, where I help women close the chapter on heartbreak and re-enter dating with clarity, confidence, and secure attachment. In plain English: most dating problems aren't dating problems. They're unfinished heartbreak problems. I help women complete heartbreak instead of just surviving it, so they stop overthinking, stop attracting emotionally unavailable people, stop questioning themselves, and start building the kind of emotional foundation that makes healthy love inevitable. I make videos about how to do all of that here on YouTube. I'm not guessing at this. I have a degree in cognitive neuroscience, I'm a trained and certified IFS practitioner, and I've spent thousands of hours in client work with hundreds of women doing exactly this. My work has been featured on CNBC, the New York Post, and HuffPost, and the content I make has reached over a million followers and more than a billion views. But here's the part the credentials don't tell you: I didn't just study this. I lived it. For years, I kept attracting the wrong people. A first girlfriend who made love feel conditional. A college partner who cheated. A three-year abusive relationship that left me drained and unsure if I'd ever trust again. And then a breakup with the person I thought was "The One" that completely blindsided me. So if you've ever felt like no matter how hard you try, you're somehow not enough, I get it, and I've been there. Doing the work alone, piecing healing together from a hundred different books, podcasts, and therapy sessions with no clear path forward. The number one thing I learned getting out of that: you don't need to fix yourself to find love. You need to remember how worthy you've always been, and retrain your nervous system to actually believe it. That's not manifestation or toxic positivity. It's neuroscience, trauma therapy, and reps. That's why I built Mind, Brain, Body Lab, the place I wished existed when I was going through it alone. One place where neuroscience, trauma-informed healing, coaching, accountability, and community all live together, so women can actually change instead of just collecting more information. If you're done dragging old heartbreak into new love, you're in the right place. Subscribe and stick around. You're loved, you're enough, and I believe in ya. Video Summary ⤵️ In this AMA we break down what secure attachment actually is — why it's the most common attachment style despite what social media tells you, why being secure doesn't mean being a pushover, how to tell the difference between a real anxious pattern and just being heartbroken after a blindside, and how to retrain your brain to stop mistaking cortisol for chemistry so you can actually feel calm love instead of running from it. If you've ever questioned whether you're "too anxious" or just human, watch this. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction to Secure Attachment 01:55 Understanding Secure Attachment 05:50 Rupture and Repair in Relationships 09:43 Moving from Anxious to Secure Attachment 12:20 Attachment Styles and Relationship Dynamics 21:43 Navigating Attachment After a Breakup 28:26 Attraction to Calm and Secure Partners Supporting Research Meng, X., D’Arcy, C., & Adams, G. C. (2015). Associations between adult attachment style and mental health: A large, nationally representative sample. Psychiatry Research, 228(1), 779–786. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26213... Madigan, S., Atkinson, L., Laurin, K., & Benoit, D. (2013). Attachment and internalizing behavior in early childhood: A meta-analysis. Developmental Psychology, 49(4), 672–689. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0028793 Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. N. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum. Shaver, P. R., Belsky, J., & Brennan, K. A. (2000). The adult attachment interview and self-reports of romantic attachment: Associations across domains and methods. In P. R. Shaver & J. Cassidy (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (pp. 49–59). Guilford Press. Hesse, E. (2016). The adult attachment interview: Protocol, method of analysis, and empirical studies. In J. Cassidy & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research, and clinical applications (3rd ed., pp. 553–597). Guilford Press. Disclaimer: This video is educational in nature and not a substitute for therapy. If attachment wounds or relational trauma are impacting your wellbeing, working with a trauma therapist can help your nervous system relearn safety in connection.