5 Steps to Stop People-Pleasing as a Man

Comments · 99

• JO

  @JoshRabinowitzIRL · 1 year ago

  Just throwing this out there: for some of us growing up, the issue was NOT conditional/performance-based love. Heck, my parents met all my needs. The issue is the fact that Dad was a people pleaser, and Mom was demanding. Having that type of relationship modeled was enough to instill "this is what a man does" in me.

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• RI

  @rickhammar1636 · 1 year ago

  This a timely video for me. I have been guilty of people pleasing my whole life. I really never gave it any thought until about a month ago. I was married 27 years , been divorced about 8. Finally met a gal I adored. It only lasted 5 months. I think she may be an avoidant. I am apparently an anxioux attacher. One thing that came up was that I don't speak up, but it seems to only apply in certain areas. Usually in a situation where I try to keep the peace. I was raised by a single mother until 6. She remarried when I was 6 but their marriage was turbulent. I don't really remember much before 6 but wow I was always withdrawling in arguements & making nice to keep all the screaming at bay. Then I married young & constant gaslighting everytime I tried to speak up for myself, that my feelings were invalid. Result... f'd up my relationship with a great gal because I couldn't keep my anxiety under control. Now at 56 I feel so f'd up. You younger guys need to pay attention to this stuff

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• PH

  @phantomlotus1323 · 7 months ago

  Also having emotionally unstable parents who lashed out when you didn't perform in a way that was promoting their ego and sense of stability inside their chaos.

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• TH

  @thomashutchinson4391 · 1 month ago

  I'm in the middle of working exactly on this myself. I'm an "alumnus" of a Men's Retreat weekend. This behavior blindsides me again and again, thanks for the video, Connor.

• AA

  @Aaron-c7q · 2 months ago

  I had good parents who didn’t intentionally favor any of us. But I’m the youngest of three with a twin brother. He is the classic overachiever, and was better at just about anything then I was, so I developed the habits just to feel like I was of equal worth. If I wasn’t the most athletic or most academically successful, I could at least be really helpful and not make waves.<br><br>It was never really needed, no one in my family are bad or spoiled, I just didn’t know how to get the attention I wanted.

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• CA

  @Carl-x8y3c · 1 year ago

  I&apos;m 65 . &nbsp;It took me many years to stop being a people pleaser. &nbsp; I understand and now see the reason for my people pleasing behaviour. &nbsp; I have set boundaries and i say no when I don&apos;t want to do something. &nbsp; I make a choice. &nbsp;And i don&apos;t feel bad about saying no. &nbsp;I have found that people DO take an advantage , and use others .

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• GI

  @gigglecompass1 · 1 year ago

  When you stop people pleasing, people will not be pleased

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• CE

  @Cee_Eff · 1 year ago

  Being the first born of very conservative Southern European immigrants who could not speak English, made me both a people pleaser and a guy afraid of his own shadow. <br>I had to deal with &quot;a good boy un-questionly obeys his parents&quot; and &quot;always follows the rules&quot;.<br>Mom expected me to be &quot;a good boy&quot; and dad demanded I follow his very narrow black/white interpretation of &quot;the rules&quot; . Any slight deviation was severely punished.<br>This led to even more punishments/shaming&apos;s/berating&apos;s involving me bring home the &quot;liberal anti family ideas&quot; from school, and not meeting up to dad&apos;s lofty ideals/goals/expectations.<br>I have spent many years and lots of unfinished work undoing the damage my parents unknowingly caused.

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• SC

  @Scott-Hamilton850 · 6 months ago

  My treat for people pleasing was not getting screamed at or worse

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• BA

  @BarakoWithSuperLolo · 11 months ago

  Thank you for this video. I&apos;m a chronic people pleaser and I&apos;m putting a stop to it right now. What&apos;s worse is that I&apos;m doing this to some people who do not reciprocate the help I&apos;m giving them. But that&apos;s another story.

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• DA

  @darrinharvey3384 · 1 year ago

  I’m 54 years old and this is all so new to me. In my past relationships I have done whatever a woman wants, whatever my parents want, etc … when I first get into a relationship I will run to a woman and seek to please her above all … then because I don’t prioritize my needs I become bitter … like “I didn’t want to buy this house, I didn’t want to live here, I didn’t want this car, this vacation “ whatever … but I don’t say anything … I wish I had known all of this in my 20s

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• EL

  @EliStory-ej8xg · 7 months ago

  My Dad was really mean at times. I used to be afraid to do anything wrong because I know it meant being yelled at or being belittled. Sadly I think he was raised the same way. I think that subconsciously made me want to make everybody happy even at the expense of my own happiness. Now I’m trying to figure out what I really like because for so long I just did what everyone wanted me to do. Thanks for this video 🙏🏾