Why autism is DIFFERENT from narcissism

Comments · 9.1K

• RA

  @rapiddescent7633 · 4 years ago

  As an autistic person, I've learned recently that the ways I express empathy can sometimes be misconstrued as narcissistic. For example, when someone is telling me about a hard time they're going through, and I've experienced something similar, I'll tell them about my own experience. I've learned that this can be seen as narcissisticly trying to shift focus onto myself, but in my mind, its empathetic because I'm trying to comfort them and show them that they're not alone in their struggles. Empathy can present differently in autistic people than neurotypical people, and that can sometimes make it hard to see, which may be why there's this misconception that autistic people lack empathy or are narcissistic.

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• PE

  @peterwarner553 · 1 year ago

  My brother is high functioning very intelligent autistic, our father was a malignant narcissist, if you told our father that something he said was hurtful he would turn it around on you, he would make you feel bad and hurt you for feeling bad, tell my brother the same thing and he&apos;s devastated that his words hurt someone and wants to make it right.<br><br>Autistic people care, that&apos;s the largest difference from my perspective. ❤

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• FA

  @farewell259 · 4 years ago

  As an autistic, I&apos;d like to add my two cents to the conversation:<br>-there is the theory of the double empathy<br>- some autistic have hyperempathy<br>- it is more common that autistics are the victims of abuse rather than abusers<br>- we are naive, which explains why we are abused so easily<br>- we Want to understand the world, we are the type of people to read about psychology, astrology, body language or whatever because we so desperately want to understand and be understood<br>- we don&apos;t want to hurt anybody, we feel terribly when we are told we did<br>- we feel very strongly about justice and injustices<br>- yes, it is possible to have both

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• YA

  @YamileYemoonyah · 1 year ago (edited)

  The point you make about autistic people not seeking novelty is a bit more nuanced. If someone is only autistic, you are right. But 50-80% of autistic people also have adhd and that part of us is constantly looking for novelty.

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• KI

  @kimslone5185 · 4 years ago

  There&apos;s a legal concept called absence of malice, and I think, regarding the brutal honesty in verbal communication, may apply to the person living with autism. An autistic person is not the intentional tormentor that a narcissist is.

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• PE

  @petragerhardt3719 · 4 years ago

  Personally, I&apos;m on the autistic spectrum and I&apos;ve realized over the past year that my ex was a narcissist. What&apos;s so weird is that I honestly thought he was just like me and had trouble expressing himself. As you might imagine, he took me to the cleaners emotionally. I&apos;m still honestly recovering from it.

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• CL

  @clairelogan5 · 4 years ago

  High functioning ASD here, some of us do have empathy, sometimes too much. Think of your emotions and social interaction as being automatic, an autistic person has a manual system. When we are interacting with another person, we search through a list of possible responses based on what has worked before or what we have witnessed other people do either in real life or on TV and in Movies. We rehearse these constantly and a great deal of planning goes into social contact. We memorise jokes, stories, and news articles so we have something to talk about, practice responses and facial expressions, study body language and rhythm of speech. We run through the conversation we are likely to have with you before we meet you, we break it down afterwards to see what bits worked and what didn&apos;t and store that away for next time. So if you take us by surprise or go &quot;off script&quot; or it is a situation we have not come across before, we empathise but are not sure of the response, especially if we don&apos;t know you that well. An example: A colleague at work announced that she was being made redundant and started crying, this came out the blue. Do I pat their shoulder? Hug her? Say something sympathetic? Say an experience that I had that was similar to show I understand how they are feeling? Cry with them? Call someone? Fetch a glass of water? Meanwhile, I am just standing there awkwardly watching her cry while I take far too long to decide. Automatic for you, a minefield for us. I genuinely have no clue which of those was the best response in that situation. &nbsp;Also in my experience, no autistic person wants to be the center of attention (unlike a narcissist). We have been bullied too much to enjoy a circle of faces fixed on us. All our energy goes into just trying to present as &quot;normal&quot; and we prefer to do that out of the spot light. As you can imagine all this is exhausting and this is why we avoid socialising.

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• RI

  @RileyLC-j1l · 1 year ago (edited)

  As an autistic person I object to the part about autistic people not experiencing shame often. Many autistic people are shamed by other for their atypical behavior and explicitly told to be ashamed for their actions. While it isn’t a part of the disorder itself it is core to the experience of many autistic people

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• AU

  @autiejedi5857 · 4 years ago (edited)

  As an autistic who was raised by a narc and then married one, I appreciate you talking about this. Most of us would be horrified if we ever hurt someone, and are quick to apologize. And while we may not read cues the same way as others, we actually feel very deeply and have a strong sense of justice. Certainly there can be autistic narcs (my adult child is one), but we&apos;re more likely to be a victim of a narc because we miss the red flags NTs would catch. Our alexythemia makes our emotional responses look different, but we do feel and we do care!

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• MA

  @matthewatwood207 · 4 years ago

  We don&apos;t lack empathy at all due to autism, we just have a hard time seeing emotions. When we know what someone else is feeling, we feel it.

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• ZC

  @ZC-xs4zl · 4 years ago

  I was diagnosed autistic in the 60’s with what later became known as aspergers. &nbsp;The most obvious difference to me between myself and narcissists is the fact that lifelong, I need <br>—- no one—- around me, for any kind of a “relationship”——- I am my own “supply”, for everything. &nbsp;Because I’ve lived alone just simply taking care of myself my entire life, and have everything I need and much of what I want, people who aren’t as well off have perceived me as being selfish. &nbsp;Fact is, nothing I do or have is anyone else’s business and that is a social fact many somehow never learned. &nbsp;The &nbsp;narcissist on the other hand goes thru and disposed of many, people, using them up til they’re done with them for whatever reason. &nbsp;They need constant “supply” because they can’t provide for themselves and have no identity of their own.

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• HA

  @halehniazmand3995 · 1 year ago

  I am mildly on the spectrum of Autism and a deeply empathetic person. As an Autistic I hate lying. In fact, I insist on truth and dogmatically so. And since I don’t lie, I don’t expect be lied to. I just got out a 14 year relationship with a covert narcissist and can’t be happier.

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