you need sleep.

Comments · 218

• SO

  @songsforcry · 6 months ago · pinned

  you can listen to my playlist here: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zSjPbCh9AZDsUQRCn5TbN?si=eb73e6cac6de4484">https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zSjPbCh9AZDsUQRCn5TbN?si=eb73e6cac6de4484</a> &lt;3

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• XH

  @XhoseaX · 6 months ago

  you don’t even notice how much those stupid little moments meant… until they’re the only thing left and you’re choking on them every single night.<br>i ruined it. i really fucking ruined everything and the sick part is i can still see your face the exact second you realized i wasn’t who you thought.<br>i can’t go back. i know that. time doesn’t give a shit about sorry and it just keeps pulling everyone away while i’m stuck right here drowning in the same three seconds over and over.<br>my brain won’t shut up. it keeps showing me what i said, what i did, how easy it would’ve been to just… not.<br>everyone else is living new days and laughing and making new memories and i’m still standing in the wreckage of the one i broke.<br>i miss you so much it physically hurts.<br>i miss the version of me that still had you.<br>and the silence where you used to answer me is the loudest thing i’ve ever heard.

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• TH

  @TheNightWeMet88 · 5 months ago

  To anyone listening, I hope your tired heart finds peace tonight. You deserve quiet rest 💛

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• LO

  @LoveChillVibes55 · 3 months ago

  To anybody who&apos;s reading this, I pray that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind. May clarity replace confusion. May peace and calmness fill your life. 🙏

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• NO

  @noemie2064 · 4 weeks ago

  I hate being so sensitive. I love loving people and I love it when they love me. But I hate it when they change their behavior towards me. I hate it when they get tired of me and reject me. I feel like I&apos;m reliving this.

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• 이건

  @이건아니지00.3 · 5 months ago

  정해진 목표도 없는 채로 미친듯이 공부하는 건 고문이야

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• TO

  @Toxic_Chaos03 · 4 months ago

  You know what the loneliest part of feeling alone. Is knowing you have people there for you but feeling like you can never actually reach out to them for help. Waking up every morning to hide the real you so no one sees what’s wrong. Being to scared to speak to someone when they ask if your ok. Feeling like you have to shut yourself down emotionally so you don’t hurt anyone else. I’m grateful for the friends I do have. But the day they learn how much I hate myself, how much I hate life, and what really goes on in my mind is the day I fear I may push them away cause they got to close. Knowing all this makes that loneliness feel even more alone. Like even when someone says I’m here for you, or you’re not alone, or anything to make you feel seen. In my mind the words mean nothing. Not that I don’t hear or see the effort someone means them with. Just like my brain shuts them out and makes them seem like they’re just words. Empty words with no real meaning. And this cycle will repeat itself. Over. And over. And over. Cause it’s what my brain does best. Is push those away who get to close.

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• AM

  @AmViCu_07 · 5 months ago (edited)

  I&apos;m sorry if this is too long; I understand if you don&apos;t want to read it. I just wanted to vent a little, thank you.<br> <br>A week ago, I had a fight with my mother. It&apos;s become a habit. She doesn&apos;t love my father anymore, but they still live together, and that leads to a lot of conflict. Besides, I think she&apos;s not happy with her life. She takes out that anger on me and my sister. I&apos;m 19 now, but I think I&apos;ve been putting up with her yelling since I was 5, maybe? She&apos;s always angry, and she stops talking to us. She says a lot of things that aren&apos;t our fault and throws them in our faces. It seems like she wants us to distance ourselves from my father. They both do things wrong, but I don&apos;t think you can raise your daughters with yelling, insults, and bad attitudes. We&apos;re always anxious and worried about keeping my mother happy because we have a really hard time when she gets angry; we always end up crying from exhaustion, sadness... it&apos;s a very exasperating situation. <br><br>One day, a couple of years ago, she told us she wished we were dead. She hasn&apos;t said it since, but I haven&apos;t forgotten. She doesn&apos;t go out with us anymore, she doesn&apos;t want to leave the house, and I see other parents with their children and I wonder why my mother isn&apos;t like that, what makes her unhappy if we have a good life and are good daughters, or so I think.<br><br>Also, she&apos;s always threatening to die, saying she&apos;s going to leave... and that makes me feel worse. I no longer feel like my house is my safe place; I just want peace, calm in my life, a little happiness. Im still a child, I&apos;m mentally drained, tired.. I struggle too. That&apos;s all because of living with this situation. But idk like i guess someone lives wors than me.<br><br>If you&apos;ve read this far, I truly appreciate it, thank you for listening.

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• AL

  @algemarquien3775 · 5 months ago

  damn we are all going through some shit huh

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• TH

  @theherobitss · 5 months ago

  Theres this girl who i think of every night while falling asleep to these videos. Realistically, i can and will never make her mine. She means everything to me and i wish she could see that. <br><br>Wish me luck.

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• NA

  @Natesimprovement · 3 weeks ago

  Sometimes I wondered whether I would ever truly have a lover, someone who I connected with on a deep level. I hadn&apos;t ever found someone I seriously connected with until half way through college, and had never held a girls hand before that.<br><br>We were on a volunteer university trip, where me and thirty friends are learnt slept and worked together in the same spaces on the same projects... For the summer. That was a lot of time, and a lot of them ended up being life long friends. I had no expectation of finding anyone from that group, especially considering how niche my politics, religious views, personality, etcetera was, and yet I met just that person. <br><br>I prayed to God more intensely than ever before not to take this away, not to dangle a carrot in front of me just to snatch it back a few moments later. My divine suspicion turned out to be true.<br><br>She was perfect in every way, and thought so of me as well. We hit things off like nothing else, and there wasn&apos;t anything, to this day, I can complain about her. She was stunning, but anytime she spoke it was like hearing loud golden silk, she was so confident in her views and faith and beliefs, which weirdly matched up to mine exactly, and she was also kind when you proved yourself. She was hurt in her life many times before by others and became very openly harsh and defensive and violent if someone treated her wrong, but she was always so in a just manner, and I loved that, that which most people might call a flaw, but she did it in a way I adored, and Everytime she punched a creep or made fun of someone who deserved it, I loved it and got butterflies. She was just. She was super intellectual and the most warm hearted person I met. We spoke for hours every night, would sneak away to go on walks holding hands, commenting on the nature around us, on the beauty of the stars and flower pedals, moon and sun, would talk about theology and our future, politics poetry literature pop culture and gossip (nothing serious just spilling tea). We were perfect. I fell in love more deeply than ever before. She was the first person I ever kissed. She was a few years older than me, which is why we got along so swell since I matured too fast in my life.<br><br>I was ready to move to another country for her, after two months of knowing her, and I had more energy and zest for life than ever before. I knew that if it didn&apos;t work out I would want to end things and that I would never find something so perfect again and that if this didn&apos;t work out I would be devastated and broken.<br><br>I was right. After the trip, I found out that all along she had a boyfriend, but kept me as a nice summer fling. The situation was more complicated than that, far too complicated for this comment section, but I had hope that she would brake up with him. Additionally, she loved far away. I was willing to make long distance work, but she wasn&apos;t. I think that, to be honest, looking back, she needed an excuse to justify this, especially after having, I think, started to actually care for me, so she told me she never loved me in the first place and just wanted to &quot;teach me&quot; since I never even held a girls hand she told me she needed to &quot;teach me&quot; and that that is all it was. I knew that was a lie, and I knew she knew that I knew she lied. Nevertheless, that sudden friends one plunged me into a deep hole. I was depressed and suicidal. I was broken in a way I never before was. I drank a lot. On my own, with friends, etc. I channeled that energy, beat I could, into writing poetry. I lay in bed for days. That was, genuinely, one of the worst life experiences I have had so far. It broke me.<br><br>Shortly after, I went on a date with someone, an extensive date, who was hot but didn&apos;t match in values. I was going to break it off after the first hour or two of speaking, but she had trauma dumped so much that I instantly was emotionally attached and couldn&apos;t let go. I was devasted at the things she told me. They broke me anew. I am a major empath, and so I am the best and worst person to dump to, because I feel the pain as though it were my own, and can help you heal and respond the best and listen to you the best because of it, but that also means that after listening to her describe all her trauma to me on detail for hours on end, continuously for days on end, it gave me second hand trauma. I was looking for my first love, my ex, in her, trying to make something work, and desperately wanting to help her heal, but that again ended in being told I was nothing more than a friend.<br><br>This time, with the added trauma, it was like a old wound was torn open anew, not as deep, but now the wound was old, and the skin was already rotting, the nerves stopped feeling, and yet this pain was so deep that I had to cal 988 that day and tried drinking myself to permanent sleep several times. I consumed half my bank account of vodka 😂 which isn&apos;t a lot as a student, but still a looooot to drink in two nights.<br><br>After that, I became numb, very numb, and I needed alcohol daily. I drank very often. I drank Everytime she told me her trauma, and I drank more heavily afterwards. I couldn&apos;t process it all. <br><br>Three weeks later I had to have surgery, and couldn&apos;t drink, because drinking and pain pills together might have caused a fatal reaction. It was a good thing I had to have surgery , because I genuinely might have become an alcoholic otherwise. I still struggle, a month later, but I have a lot more control and only drink once or twice a month.<br><br>I have noticed a cold numbness set it that I can&apos;t shake. I can just sit there, sober and all, and just stare off at a tree or the wall for hours. Something inside me died and I feel broken in a way I didn&apos;t know was possible. Something so essential to me, a part of my very core, is shattered. <br><br>I have become emotionally cold to most things, and have overcome my suicidality, mostly, yes, but still have an indifference to dying or living.<br><br>To have had something so perfect and have the world rip it away again, and trying to replace it with a cheap knock off, that stabs you in the chest whilst you are just trying to help, which even that then leaves you, that hurts. That killed something inside me.<br><br>I often dream of them. I dream of our time together, sitting under the stars in that swing, and I dream of our first kiss. I dream of her cats, and I dream of her yelling. I dream of hugging her and I dream of cuddling on the bus, falling asleep feeling safe next to one another, safer and happier than ever before in my life.<br>Then I wake up and feel empty and alone.<br><br>I have not slept well in two months. I also have dreams, or rather, nightmares, of her trauma. It always starts with her voice telling it, and transitions to me being her, as though the memories were mine, actually experiencing the various demented life events that happened to her. They sometimes morph and become more extreme or personalized and mix with my own fears and trauma. I wake up in sweat and screaming.<br><br>I am trying to move on, and I don&apos;t think about either of them much anymore, but the void they left is real. The gap, the chasm of emptiness, it&apos;s still there. That sadness, that apathy, that numbness, it just won&apos;t go away.

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• FL

  @flipi_p · 4 months ago

  i just wanna live in peace without fear

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