when mother is not "mothering": the devaluation of motherhood

Comments · 1.6K

• OL

  @oliSUNvia · 1 year ago · pinned

  Go to <a href="https://ground.news/olisunvia">https://ground.news/olisunvia</a> for a more open-minded and critical approach to the news you consume. Subscribe though my link for 40% off unlimited access.

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• OR

  @OryxAU · 1 year ago (edited)

  It takes a village to raise kids, we took away the village and foresaw absolutely no problem with this whatsoever.

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• BL

  @blackicedpeas9191 · 1 year ago

  I watched the first minute of the video and I can already tell… the function of the mother has been individualised to unsustainable heights as the loss of community has meant we expect mothers to have all the features that would have normally been fulfilled by a whole village.

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• MA

  @matthewevans107 · 1 year ago

  Our son was born in an unplanned homebirth, with me delivering him on the living room floor with an emergency service worker on the phone.<br>Following that I got congratulated by everyone. A single person congratulated my wife. That was the point I realised that as a father, my excelling was the bare minimum expected from a mother.

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• J7

  @j707sh · 1 year ago

  I only realized recently just how much work my mum put into raising me and my brother. &nbsp;She had two jobs at one point and she never let us know we were struggling. She always put us first despite all the stress and was encouraging of our dreams. Since realizing this, I&apos;ve been doing my best to stop her single mother tendancies and help her enjoy life and finally treat her with the respect and kindness no mans given her. Theres no way to ever pay off the effort mothers go through and I feel like people really need to understand that

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• AN

  @annzwold3040 · 1 year ago

  «I only gave the egg, I am not the real mother”, «I only loaned the egg, I am not the real mother”«I only raised the child, I am not the real mother” gave me chills, almost made me cry, and I don’t even want to be a mother. But that spoke to me in such a powerful way.

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• PA

  @PartyPanzee023 · 1 year ago

  Shout out to my single white mother, who had to raise 2 black twin daughters. Queen did that shit my whole life and she still be doin it, even tho my grown ass is 22 she&apos;s never been unreadable and has neva eva let me down!! She gave me and my sister a good head on our shoulders and definitely raised me right (tho she would say: &quot;the best I could). Shes honestly my best friend!! I love you Momma!!:3

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• LI

  @lilouuu.lilouuu · 1 year ago

  Just a quick note: personally I think that what people mean by « not everyone should be mothers » means not everyone should be parents and that stands for a lot of parents who are abusive to their child and/or are struggling with large issues that makes the kid neglected. It comes from more of a thought of don’t have kids for the sake of having them if you know you can’t give them a healthy life.

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• SA

  @santiagoravina4057 · 1 year ago

  Very interesting video! I agree with your points and, as a man, would like to mention that motherhood is often treated as separate from fatherhood. In my opinion, it is essential that both roles be intertwined. Not only because of gender equality, but also for the wellbeing of the child. Parents are supposed to be people who love and like eachother, sharing a common life plan. Mothers and fathers should split their duties equally, being open and honest. Motherhood and fatherhood should not be treated as inherently independent qualities, but rather as two elements of a greater whole. I believe that the burden of motherhood would be much more tolerable if fathers were expected to be as present as mothers are.

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• IN

  @ingridbmangubat · 1 year ago

  I gotta say, it&apos;s so refreshing hearing such a well written and empathetic video essay about motherhood- and coming from a young, unmarried woman! You touched on so many topics that I wish is talked about more on mainstream discussions. I honestly believe that unrealistic &quot;perfect mom&quot; expectations was a big part of my Postpartum depression during my first pregnancy. I realized very soon after giving birth that I actually did not like motherhood. I resented the SAHM routine. At the thick of my depression I even doubted if I really love my kids as a mother should. I believed that I was so horrible as a mom that my kids are better off without me. That my.husband deserved a better wife. So my thoughts devolved into daily s-icide ideations. I will always be grateful for how my husband stuck by me and helped me get therapy and meds. Now I&apos;m back to myself, I realized how I could be much more gracious to myself as a mom. In my experience, a truly loving partner makes a difference in a mother&apos;s self actualization.

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• MA

  @malbenita · 1 year ago

  My own mother was crushed by conditioning of modern motherhood.<br><br>She had to finish her degree with an infant child and stay with me at home for years as father was working all day long. As everyone was having their lives she was all alone. And you can’t scream at a child. You must listen to child. You need to pay attention to child. Everyone told her what she’s doing wrong: you are spoiling the kid, you are too strict, clothes too warm clothes too light, you need to do that no you need to do this, just do that, this hurts the child, start doing this, stop doing that… no matter what she did mom felt like a bad mother. Everyone was giving her advices and directions and yet she was all alone when it came to actually doing something, most times. <br><br>“I felt like an appendix, like mere extension of a child, like furniture, a parenting tool”<br><br>Everyone criticises women, especially mothers. But very few are up to lend them help when they are on their limit from exhaustion. My own mom seemed to be going through a long depressive episode when I was little as she did say she thought of ending it from how she couldn’t shoulder all of it no more.<br>As I got older she broke down. She said that the moment she felt like I was old enough to reason with she couldn’t hold it no more. And as I do have psychological scars from her breakdowns I would never blame my mom for that. <br><br>I blame people who did nothing to support my mom while constantly judging her and telling her how she’s failing. I blame society which has astronomic standards for mothers while putting zero to none effort into supporting them. I blame it for failing my mother, for crushing her mental and physical health into ruins.<br><br>Final note: my mom never regretted having me and she describes motherhood as an amazing experience despite all hardships. She is a boss at job that she loves and is respected as a professional. But she needs medication to handle the severe consequences of the constant stress she had these past decades. She still has a lot of shame and guilt and remorse around her breakdowns traumatising me as a child. She wasn’t posting anything - know-it-all advisors can find you anywhere. At work, at playground, at dismissive doctor’s office, on public transport, at your own family or friend group. Anywhere.

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• BE

  @believeroflight9888 · 1 year ago

  Nothing kills respect for mothers like consumerism and hedonism.

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