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I Finally Read Colleen Hoover ...

114K views · May 31, 2024 · Entertainment

SAVY WRITES BOOKS

127K subscribers

Comments · 773

@macaronimagpie · 2 years ago · pinned
I, a beautiful woman, was standing on a rooftop in a dazzling steampunk gown (it had gears on it). I was a thief of vintage collectibles... and hearts. I'd just stolen a rare American Girl doll worth five million dollars, and I was considering how I was going to jump across the rooftops to make my escape. That's when she approached me. The first thing I noticed about her was her massive biceps. I was already in love. For biceps like that, I might even give up my life of thieving. "Hey," she said. "My name's Savy." "I'm Gothic Steampunk Thievery." "What do you do for work?" "I work at the best deep dish pizza restaurant in Chicago," I lied. "We both know which one that is," she said. I nodded. "And you?" "I really want to become a savvy business owner, but I'm worried people will think it's too obvious." "I can see why that would be a conundrum," I said. "Live, laugh, love," she replied. I gasped, because I'd never heard such wise words in my entire life. "Live, laugh, love?" I repeated slowly. "Wow. To have thought of something like that, you must truly be a wise morning guru." "Yeah, I'm pretty deep. Haha. By the way, I'm in love with you." "Run away with me, and we'll give to charity together!" "Right, okay, but like, which charity?" "It doesn't matter, as long as we both know that billionaires are good and should not have their money taxed to build social safety nets, and that poor people deserve to starve on the streets because they don't work as hard as some guy who developed an app once. Occasionally we'll save one poor person who meets our standards with charity and then pat ourselves on the back about what good people we are." "Umm, I have to go. I have a thing." I clutched my pearls. "But I've only just met you! Can I have your phone number?" "I, uh, don't have a phone? Or social media. Definitely don't try to look me up that way." "I have a mommy fetish!" I screamed after her as she walked away, but it was no use. She ignored me. Still, I knew I'd see her again. I'd recognize those massive biceps anywhere. They were her only defining feature.
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@poniko6034 · 2 years ago
''Lily Blossombloom'' girl that's a my little pony character not an actual name😭
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@ArdenRachelArt · 2 years ago
Honestly, I think writing letters to Ellen Degeneres is more embarrassing than just journaling like a normal person
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@bluebirdeyes · 2 years ago
I think Ryle probably suddenly wanted to be an involved dad because it was a way to keep a semblance of control over Lily. Very abusive partner thing to do.
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@Botanical_AG · 2 years ago
As someone who works in making custody recommendations for divorce courts, it is a PROFOUNDLY bad idea to wait until after your child is born to get a divorce 🤦🏻‍♀️ she literally ran the risk of Ryle getting primary custody of the kid. He had way more resources to be bitter and engage in legal abuse (which is a type of abuse a lot of people don’t talk about). Just profoundly stupid.
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@SaintJoi · 2 years ago
Ok but here's a funny thing. My name is literally Joi Weaver. WEAVER. And I'm a fiber artist and weaving teacher.
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@elle8786 · 2 years ago
Savvy, I hate to tell you this: the reason Colleen Hoover doesn't have Lily consider abortion isn't because she doesn't want to offend Christian reading groups, it's because she's pro-life and genuinely seems to believe that women who don't want have children are pure evil.  A lot of her stories end with the main character pregnant, even the ones who claim to be career women
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@ChristopherSadlowski · 2 years ago
"My name is Garbage Landfill Dumpster Fire. I'm a trash collector in a Colleen Hoover book. I'm not like the other girls. I'm clumsy and very kooky, and even though being a trash collector is my entire identity I have some dark secrets in my past. I also have biceps."
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@Medusalaughing · 2 years ago
"those are the arms of a neurosurgeon" is 2024's "this is the skin of a killer Bella"
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@OptimisticAudience · 2 years ago
I love reading trash, but the one thing I can’t stand is trash that doesn’t want to acknowledge that it is trash. CoHo can’t just let herself do the always sunny stories she was born to write.
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@RaxiazRedux · 2 years ago
I'm just picturing ryle as this floating head with giant muscular arms. No legs, no stomach, just head and arms LOL.
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@galwithgloves8078 · 2 years ago
Her books feel like kids playing soap opera with their Barbie dolls.
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